Marks out of ****
ABOVE THE LAW **
Straight onto the A-list with a decent-budgeted debut (for Warner Bros). Unfortunately it's actually quite dull with a numbing plot about political assassination and CIA intrigue. A few good Aikido fights are spread throughout (the final arm break-neck break combo is classic) and the trademark "don't fuck with me" confidence is already present. Shaorn Stone is wasted as his surprisingly dowdy wife.
HARD TO KILL **½
Snappier and more fun than Above the Law. Seagal does vengeance with the expected violent fights, shootings, and chases. It ain't great movie-making by any stretch, but it does what it says on the tin. Best line: "Fuck you and die" (after he's stabbed some bugger in throat with a pool cue).
Kelly LeBrock can't act.... but you knew that. MARKED FOR DEATH **½
Seagal kicks posse ass in this interesting and unusual action-thriller. This was the second film from Fox in 1990 in which Jamaicans were the bad guys - after Predator 2 (I guess they got a discount on some Rasta wigs?) As good as this is, there is a nagging feeling that the topic could have been better explored. Still fans won't be disappinted. Awesome villain death alert: Seagal gouges the scumbag's eyes out before breaking his back and throwing him thru an elevator shaft where he impales his head.
OUT FOR JUSTICE ***
Hands down the best Seagal film and best Seagal performance. He actually acts rather well here and looks to be into his character rather than just mumbling lines. Tough and gritty, with foul-mouthed wit, and with plenty of strong violence (my fave: a corkscrew in the forehead).
You can't judge Seagal fairly until you've seen this one. UNDER SIEGE **½
Seagal's biggest blockbuster - though not his best film. It's essentially Die Hard on a Boat and for that well-made and quite entertaining (though the action becomes repetitive in stretches). The villains (Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey) are cartoonishly hammy and over-the-top (arguably too much so). Erica Eleniak gets her (most impressive) tits out in one gratuitous scene and Seagal stabs a knife into the bad guy's head.
ON DEADLY GROUND **
Well-intentioned, but awesomely silly eco-actioner directed by the man himself. The script is mostly dumb, but the anti-polution message is a good one. Most critics didn't take to being lectured (although they didn't seem to mind when Fat Al Bore did it). The violence (some of which was insisted upon by the studio) is well-handled and this is arguably the best looking of Seagal films.
UNDER SIEGE 2: DARK TERRITORY **½
Entertaining sequel substitutes a battleship for a train but Seagal is still in top neck-snapping form. His acting is so laid back in this one it might be described at times as sleepy. It's left to the villains to chew the carpet and Eric Bogosian (the techno geek) and Everett McGill (the psycho merc) were good choices. A young Katherine Heigl is Seagal's cute teenage niece. Could've done without stereotypical black sidekick Morris Chestnut though. Pity the original NC-17 cut never made it to DVD.
THE GLIMMER MAN *½
The weakest of Seagal's films for Warner Bros is a lame buddy cop-comedy with horror-serial killer overtones. None of the ingredients satisfy; the script is half-baked, the acting pretty poor. Even the action, though quite violent, is routine, with Seagal look a bit slow and heavy. By the end I realised that I just didn't care... I suspect some MPAA interference (the autopsy scene looks edited).
FIRE DOWN BELOW (To Be Reviewed)
THE PATRIOT (To Be Reviewed)
EXIT WOUNDS **
A brief comeback to the mainstream for Seagal. Probably the slickest film he's made since his heyday (no surprise with Joel Silver producing) but that doesn't make it any good. The action scenes are better than usual, but the script and direction are slack, and there's too much indulgent, unfunny comic relief. Half decent supporting cast (including the likes of Bruce McGill and Bill Duke) fail to make credible silly story. Constant hip hop music blaring on the soundtrack did not aid my appreciation one iota.
TICKER **
This one pitches somewhere in-between a theatrical release and a DTV job. It has a theatrical cast, but a DTV script. Dennis Hopper plays an ex-IRA bomber (sometimes with accent too) determined to blow up San Fransisco. Why? Don't ask me. The filmmakers don't bother explaining it. The other villain's motivation is explained - and it's just absurd. Jamie Pressley is not unattractive - but sadly she keeps her baps underwraps. This was probably the last film Seagal made before he got tubby - but the action is still pretty shit.
HALF PAST DEAD **
Better than I remembered from my first viewing. It's amazing how a decade of bad DTV items can lead you to reconsider any theatrical release. Slick, highly-stylised actioner, but nothing to get too excited about. PG-13 rated so the usual quota of nasty violence is absent. The Seagal film you can show your kids (apart from one strong headbutt). Plus points for sexy villainess... minus points for relentlessly horrible soundtrack.
THE FOREIGNER *
I believe this was originally intended for theatrical release. Preusmably some execs saw it and thought "we can't put out this incomprehensible shit!" The script redefines convoluted and is muddled beyond belief. Seagal is doubled for non-stuntwork (in one scene he walks out of a house backward so you don't see his face) and dubbed (at least this dubber sounds a bit like him). The action is pants, and the distracting editing/shooting style gimmicks are an indication of a director out of his depth.
OUT FOR A KILL *
Another terrible DTV outing. The opening passage is frustratingly watchable and you think for a second "hey, this might not be that bad"... but you'd be wrong. Soon it's (bad) business as usual with excruciating dialogue - think old waxworks sitting round a table badly mumbling dumb exposition - and rapidly edited action scenes - blurry hands waving all over the place until there's a loud crunch. The narrative and structure is so inept that I can barely begin to describe it.
BELLY OF THE BEAST **
A bit better directed than most of Seagal's DTV outings (not surprising given Ching Siu-Tung was behind the camera). Film is still a long way from prime Seagal though. The characters are actually OK, but the script is flabby and bland. Byron Mann is a decent sidekick and fights better than a heavily doubled Seagal (why even pretend he do jump kicks?) Seagal is also dubbed (badly) again! Worth mentioning as the only Seagal film in which he unleashes kickass on a ladyboy and reads an invisible message on the breasts on a Muslim woman (nice rack). The Eurasian girl who played Seagal's kidnapped daughter was very cute.
OUT OF REACH **
Fairly involving Seagal vehicle is built on a far-fetched premise - an ex-CIA assassin travels to Poland to rescue his young penpal from human traffikers - but has it's heart in the right place. There's nowhere near enough action, however, and some of the doubling is atrocious. It's a shame because with a bit more care some of these DTV-jobs could be good films. Seagal is dubbed on occasion here by someone with an oddly sinister voice. Directed by HK-British filmmaker Leung Po-Chi.
INTO THE SUN **
Uneven DTV outing will appeal to fans of Asian cinema due to the Tokyo setting, Seagal's fluent Japanese, and use of swords in battle scenes (this is the bloodiest film of his I've seen). Unfortunately the plot is very blah, the acting often weak, and the direction, as hard as it tries to be stylish, feels somewhat amateurish. The version I saw didn't have subtitles, so I probably missed some of the plot nuances.
SUBMERGED **
Not as bad as I was expecting. Just professional enough to pass as tolerable DTV fodder (aside from the now standard Seagal ADR). Considering the low budget this is reasonably slick, if overly flashy. Vinnie Jones plays himself (ie. a hard nutter). Story is murky and convoluted, but if it's playing on TV you could do worse... and it beats Quantum of Solace by three years in setting a major action scene during a performance of Tosca.
TODAY YOU DIE *
For a little while this one looks as if it's gonna be tolerable... don't be fooled. It's not long before inane plotting, wooden acting, and wretched dialogue kick in. Plenty violence, but that's it. Even the action scenes (well some of them) are nicked from other DTV action movies(!) The rapper sidekick is always a tip-off to a bad movie... and this one's no exception. Skip it.
BLACK DAWN **
Another better than I expected DTV job. Slick enough to satisfy an undemanding rental or TV view. I would've liked to have seen more hand-to-hand combat; mostly the action is of the gunfire variety. Plot is overly complex, though, with too many bad guys with murky motivations. I didn't notice any post-dubbing for Seagal (a step in the right direction).
MERCENARY FOR JUSTICE *
Fairly awful DTV Seagal actioner packed with mindless violence (lots of foul-mouthed scum shooting at each other) and an even more mindless (and ridiculously convoluted) plot, which has more holes than Swiss cheese. Is the audience not supposed to notice or care that our "hero" Seagal murders quite a lot of innocent security guards?
The fights are quite atrocious; badly shot, edited, and doubled (for an increasingly porky Seagal). Some ADR too, which shows how little effort he puts into his action and his acting. The actor playing the main villain is terrible; I'm not sure if he's supposed to be gay or not? The lead actress is sexy as hell - though she keeps her clothes on at all times so I can't even award any consolation nudity points. 
SHADOW MAN *½
Marginally less awful than some of the other Seagal DTV jobs. The plot is the usual set-in-Eastern Europe-kidnapped daughter-in-exchange-for-macguffin mess. The supporting cast is better than usual (Imelda Staunton as a CIA director??) which helps - a bit. Best performance is given by attractive female lead Eva Pope (at least she's supposed to be English in this - I think). The action is standard (with rotten back projection in car chases). Excessive body doubling and ADR present and correct.
ATTACK FORCE *
The worst Seagal film I've seen. The plot is a definite WTF job and about a third of the man in black's lines are dubbed by someone who sounds nothing like him. In fact there's so much bad lip sync in this film it looks like characters are speaking a foreign language when they're not. The action is largely inept and if you're tempted by the idea of Seagal's first foray into horror - don't be. A steaming pile of poo.
FLIGHT OF FURY *
Artistically bankrupt remake of a Michael Dudikoff B-movie (made ten years prior) that actually recycles all of it's "flight footage" from that movie. When it comes to the on the ground stuff it's business as usual - all mindless violence and military tough talk. Absolutely nothing you haven't seen done before and better. There's a brief topless lesbian scene but that's it.
URBAN JUSTICE (RENEGADE JUSTICE) *
A poor man's Out for Justice with racial stereotypes abound. The script consists mainly of two words "nigger" and "motherfucker". Mind you many youths think this guns, coke, 'n' hos image is cool. Go figure. What can you say about a film in which Seagal lets arguably the biggest scumbag in the movie (an annoying Eddie Griffin) walk away unharmed? 15 years ago he'd have stabbed him in the head with a corkscrew. Loads of blood (with the juciest squibs in a long time) but unimaginative, grating and routine for the most part.
PISTOL WHIPPED **
An obvious step-up from some of the more recent dross. Having good actors like Lance Henriksen (in an extended cameo) and Paul Calderon is an asset. The plot is serviceable, with a bit more characterization that usual. Action sequences aren't bad either with competant photography and editing. Seagal's performance is uneven, but far from his worst. No dubbing on this one - hooray - but the sheer number of back-of-the-head shots we get reveals that Seagal is still not past his body double phase. Must try harder.
KILL SWITCH *
Seagal (and his doubles) battle not one, but two serial killers in this badly directed pish. The editing is a complete joke and the fight sequences are not just Seagal's worst but the worst of anyone's career - they are that bad. The level of sadism (from Seagal especially) is truly something. You haven't lived until you've seen Steve smash a punk's teeth into a bar or break numerous bones with a hammer. There are hints that this could've been watchable... but frankly it makes The Glimmer Man look like Se7en by comparison.
AGAINST THE DARK **
A group of human survivors are trapped in an abandoned hospital with virus-infected monsters who crave blood and guts. Yum. Their only hope: A band of night 'hunters' led by black-clad (natch) sword-wielding Steven Seagal. Seagal vs. Vampires? It had to happen; although these vampires are more like zombies or 28 Days Later's rage infected. Seagal has little to do in this horror-action hybrid that's not even close to the worst DTV he's done. Fans hated this, but that's hardly surprising given that the apt audience for this is horror buffs who will rent anything gooey.
DRIVEN TO KILL *½
Not Seagal's worst; but if you expect the acting, writing, or direction to be anything other than atrocious... well don't. Action sequences are poorly shot, but it's almost worth catching for the showstopping bit of ultra-violence when Seagal stabs the main villain thru the eye with a gun barrel (it's actually even more gory than it sounds). A lot of dubbing in this one; Seagal's character has a Russian accent.
THE KEEPER **
Hard to Kill meets The Bodyguard. Ex-cop Steve (playing a character named 'Roland' (!)) becomes a protector for the daughter of an old friend after he's pensioned off the force (after his treacherous partner almost fatally shoots him). Passable DTV vehicle; weak writing and slack pace shrink any potential. Action is largely perfunctory. Not good then, but slightly tolerable than most recent efforts. Dubbing is minimal, but noticeable.
A DANGEROUS MAN **
First 15-20 mins of this were awful... but once the main story thread kicks in - ex-con wrongly convicted (Seagal) protects beautiful Chinese girl from mobsters, traffickers, and corrupt cops - it improves quite a bit. The usual DTV flaws are present and correct (and the dubbing is pretty evident) but the best I can say about this is that at times it could pass for a theatrical feature. Also ranks as Seagal's most brutal film for a good while (he stabs a thug in the neck repeatedly with a dismantled gun!)
BORN TO RAISE HELL *½
Depressingly bad Seagal DTV job is by-the-numbers revenge flick in which Steve plays an international DEA agent in Romania (I think it's supposed to be Romania - I'm just guessing) out to avenge his partner's death. Seagal wrote this one too - and the best I can say is that his script is better than Lauro Chartrand's epileptic direction. The fights appear to be well choreographed; but are so amatuerishly shot it's hard to be sure. Dubbing and body doubling are present and correct. Shot on HD (so it looks pish too).
Maximum Conviction (To Be Reviewed)
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