Would you be comfortable if you found out your kid was gay?

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:00

I suspect we can answer NO to "Would you mind if your kid was gay?"

But I'm interested to hear if you would be full, partially comfortable or not at all comfortable with it?

Would you feel uncomfortable if they brought a same sex partner home? Kissed in front of you? What about if your kid was openly camp?

It's one thing to say "I don't care if someone is gay" but what if it's a closer to home (literally).

Me I wouldn't care if my kid was gay but I don't mind saying I'd be uncomfortable if they were openly camp and would probably not be comfortable if they started kissing in front of me.

Still hopefully I'd get used to.

Discuss?

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:20

Was this thought just swirling around in your head, or did something spark this off?

The camp concept is something I don't quite understand myself. I've known (not biblically

) two guys who were openly gay, one of whom was quite the queen, with the mincing walk et al. The other didn't have any affectations or anything that I picked up on and it's this difference that confuses me and would mean that I'd probably be uncomfortable with the campness. If it's an affectation, then does it have to be so... screechy?

And why the affectation in the first place?
As for the kissing, well, I'd feel uncomfortable if a straight kid would start frenching with no regard for who's around them, so I guess that answers that then

Prudish, moi? Never

gasteropod · Post by **gasteropod** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:29

I would not mind at all.

Shen · Post by **Shen** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:30

a few of my friends are gay, one amazingly camp, this turned out to be hugely fun to hang round with, he thought nothing of danging down the street, pretty funny when you consider he was a 6ft 5, thai guy dressed in cyber/gothic gear, with spikey red and black hair...but he wasnt screechy and excitable, just camp, he played on it sometimes when making a joke out of, it and the drunk camp thai guy was even funnier...but he wasnt overbearingly camp to the extent where he became sissyfied and a wimp...

as for my kid being gay, i dont think i would mind, its their choice, like kurgan tho i feel uncomforatble watching straight couples kissing infront of me, especially when they look like they are trying to eat each other. so i guess i would be uncomfortable with a gay couple doing also, but not becuase they are gay.

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:35

Let's see...

"- Daddy, I'm gay.
Me - No, you're not. You're normal, like me. You like girls.
-No daddy, I'm gay.
Me - Sigh.
*Sends his kid to a mental institution to cure him*

Nobody will ever make me believe that homosexuality is:
- Normal.
- A lifestyle choice.

Homosexuality is a mental disorder and should be treated as such.

*Runs away from the board*

Go ahead, flame me.

Sidenote: I'm actually not homophobic at all. I have lots of gay friends and I really don't think it's "wrong" to be gay.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:42

I like the fact you would just sigh and send the kid on their way to the nuthouse

Course, you're ignoring the fact that you may have a daughter

I personally don't believe it's a lifestyle choice. I don't think you can have a choice for something that's as fundamental as sexual orientation. A lifestyle choice is being a Goth or an Otaku or a BnB forum poster (rare breed, that last 'un), not who you're attracted to.

But anyway, this is about how one as a parent would feel, so back to it...

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:45

Thanks guys but you're missing the point of my question (mostly). I don't want this discussion to revert into your opinions of homsexuality nor am I interested if you mind your "mate" being gay as your mate is very different from your son/daughter.

gasteropod wrote:I would not mind at all.

That's not what I asked though. I was very careful with my choice of words as there is a world of difference between not minding and being comfortable with it.

shen wrote:as for my kid being gay, i dont think i would mind, its their choice

Thanks but again I am specifically asking if it would make you uncomfortable and in also in the context of the questions. I added the very first sentence to get over the "I don't mind" issue.

Kurgan wrote:Was this thought just swirling around in your head, or did something spark this off?

It just appeared in my head while driving into work this morning. I often have thoughts like this running through it, weird they just appear there.

Kurgan wrote:it's this difference that confuses me and would mean that I'd probably be uncomfortable with the campness.

I've wondered this too. Why do some gay men act over the top feminine (just like many gay women act over the top manly) but others don't feel the desire to do this at all?

Why would sleeping with a man per say actually give the reverse effect and make you more feminine?

Kurgan wrote:As for the kissing, well, I'd feel uncomfortable if a straight kid would start frenching with no regard for who's around them, so I guess that answers that then

I was thinking this while typing it but left it in as I thought some/many mine be particularly uncomfortable if your gay son was was kissing someone.

You've not actually answered the central question?

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:46

@Kurgan:
Yeah, sorry.

Honestly I'd feel devastated. I don't think I'd ever accept it...

Shen · Post by **Shen** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:50

bradavon wrote: Thanks but again I am specifically asking if it would make you uncomfortable and in also in the context of the questions. I added the very first sentence to get over the "I don't mind" issue.

why should i mind? lol its their choice, being gay is fine, i wouldnt be uncomfortable with it,

its a normal aspect of today society, so for me there is no issue of being gay, whether it be friends, or my kids.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:51

bradavon wrote:You've not actually answered the central question?

Which one was central? There are four questions

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 01 Jun 2006, 22:58

The title question, the rest stem from it.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 01 Jun 2006, 23:12

Uncomfortable, if only because of any awkwardness arising from slightly more further afield relations. But, this would be intensified if a Fay-Wray impressionist or a bulldyke were to be the personas chosen, because that's all I currently perceive them to be: just personas.

But, as you say, an attempt would be made to get used to it.

the68monkey · Post by **the68monkey** » 01 Jun 2006, 23:22

My own kids? Hey, as long as they're happy, I'm happy. . . to an extent. I've been bringing my kids up to be respectful of other people's choices, beliefs, ideologies, preferences, etc. If I've done my job, then I don't think either of them will start making out in front of me with another person (of the same or opposite sex), simply because they haven't been brought up to be so rude. Then again, they haven't hit their rebellious teens yet, so I guess I should expect this behavior in a few years.

P.S. As a side note, somewhat related, I severely discipline any student of mine who insults any other group's religion, race, or sexual orientation in my classroom. While I am a very tolerant person, I am extremelly intolerant of intolerance. (Now go try saying that 10 times in a row, very quickly.

)

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 01 Jun 2006, 23:33

Yours was the opinion I most wanted to know, actually being a parent, and potentially having to deal with it as a real situation, rather than give some slightly more offhand answer for some faraway scenario (unless I'm missing any other parents on the board. Am I? Apologies, and I want to know your opinions too) I'm assuming that the "...to an extent" is the wiggle-room you want to leave yourself in case one of your kids happens to come across this board in a few years time and wants some ammunition against you?

But you've also dodged the question.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 01 Jun 2006, 23:39

the68monkey wrote:P.S. As a side note, somewhat related, I severely discipline any student of mine who insults any other group's religion, race, or sexual orientation in my classroom.

Then you would have no problems teaching me Miss Bobbi........ unless of course you sit me next to some kike poof!

Seriously, though...
Would it bother me if my kid were gay?

Well, I wouldn't be thrilled about it, put it that way. But I know I wouldn't love them any less. I'd of course prefer them to keep open affection to themselves, though I suspect you might get used to it after a time? It's impossible to know exactly how you would react.... One thing that I don't like at all is campness... if my son turned into a screaming queen that would piss me off I'll honestly say. I have no time for "professional queers". Homosexuality is a sexual preference not a licence to wear high heels.

the68monkey · Post by **the68monkey** » 01 Jun 2006, 23:51

Kurgan wrote:But you've also dodged the question.

Would I be comfortable with it is what you want to know?

Well, eventually I would. But first I would grieve out of pure selfishness. Why? Because if my child ended up being gay, that would most likely mean the end of my genetic line (yes, I know there are options, but . . .). Plus, one of the great joys of being a woman, for me, has been the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth. If my daughter turned out to be a lesbian, I'd be sad that she most likely would not experience this miracle as a result of her choice. It's not the epitome of being a woman, of course, but it undeniably changes how you view the world.

After wallowing in my self-indulgent grief, I imagine I would eventually get over it and embrace my child's partner as part of my family, whether I like her or not. At this point in my life, my children's happiness is more important to me than my own.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 02 Jun 2006, 00:04

the68monkey wrote:Because if my child ended up being gay, that would most likely mean the end of my genetic line (yes, I know there are options, but . . .)

But you have two kids... now if they BOTH turn out gay.... well, I'd blame you!!

That's why everyone should have two children - in case one is gay. Always have a back-up plan for grandparentage. 8)

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 02 Jun 2006, 00:13

Kurgan wrote:Uncomfortable, if only because of any awkwardness arising from slightly more further afield relations. But, this would be intensified if a Fay-Wray impressionist or a bulldyke were to be the personas chosen, because that's all I currently perceive them to be: just personas.

Sorry to say I don't understand a word of what you've just typed???

Kurgan wrote:But, as you say, an attempt would be made to get used to it.

I understand this.

Markgway wrote:Homosexuality is a sexual preference not a licence to wear high heels.

Fair point but male heterosexual sexuality anyway (and I suspect female too) while being technically a sexual preference has an effect on the entire way heterosexual men act, talk, walk etc . . . etc . . .

the68monkey wrote:My own kids?

Of course

Markgway wrote:Well, I wouldn't be thrilled about it, put it that way.

Is Mark the only one willing to admit to this? No problem with it what so ever.

the68monkey wrote:Would I be comfortable with it is what you want to know?

It's what I was asking yes.

Okay put it another way would you be perfectly happy if your son was openly overly camp and liked wearing tight pants/trousers or your daughter was really butch?

I realise my choice of words is probably a bit limiting but it gets my point across.

the68monkey wrote:Plus, one of the great joys of being a woman, for me, has been the miracle of pregnancy and childbirth.

Completely off topic and I sure as hell wouldn't actually want to go through childbirth but pregnancy is something I am jealous men are not able to do (no doubt many women would agree

), to also create life.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 02 Jun 2006, 00:23

the68monkey wrote:After wallowing in my self-indulgent grief, I imagine I would eventually get over it and embrace my child's partner as part of my family, whether I like her or not. At this point in my life, my children's happiness is more important to me than my own.

So you think there would be a 'period of adjustment'? Interesting.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 02 Jun 2006, 00:31

bradavon wrote:Fair point but male heterosexual sexuality anyway (and I suspect female too) while being technically a sexual preference has an effect on the entire way heterosexual men act, talk, walk etc . . . etc . . .

Not genetically it doesn't. There's loads of gay men out there whom you wouldn't know were gay by the way they dress or talk or walk. I'm talking about the ones who choose to act gay. That's a lifestyle choice and I wouldn't be comfortable with it in a friend nevermind a son.

Is Mark the only one willing to admit to this?

Don't single me out Brad. Shen will call me a right-wing bigot who's not in touch with his feminine side. 8)

I am jealous men are not able to... create life.

I'm not. Looks really painful. Not even sure I'd wanna watch. I think I'd be a cigar Dad.

Kurgan · Post by **Kurgan** » 02 Jun 2006, 00:32

bradavon wrote:Sorry to say I don't understand a word of what you've just typed???

Heh, not the clearest paragraph I've ever typed...
OK, I would be uncomfortable with my kids being gay, not because I myself would be uncomfortable with it, but my own family (close and extended) would have serious issues with it and that would be a real cause of discomfort for me.
The flowery bit (apt, perhaps

) in the middle about Fay Wray/bulldykes, well, that's my own issue with the whole screaming queen/butch thing, as I think of them as affectations, rather some intrinsic aspect of being gay.

the68monkey · Post by **the68monkey** » 02 Jun 2006, 00:55

Markgway wrote:I'm not. Looks really painful. Not even sure I'd wanna watch. I think I'd be a cigar Dad.

Reminds me of an episode of Friends from waaaaay back, when Ross goes to childbirth classes with Carol when she's pregnant with Ben. Carol totally freaks out and tries to explain why to Ross, asking how he'd feel if he was just told that somebody was going to shove a watermelon out through one of his nostrils.

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 02 Jun 2006, 00:59

, that was funny.

Kurgan wrote:Sorry to say I don't understand a word of what you've just typed???
as I think of them as affectations, rather some intrinsic aspect of being gay.

Which is also what Mark said but put differently.

the68monkey · Post by **the68monkey** » 02 Jun 2006, 01:01

Oh, and meant to add a bit about sexual orientation being a "choice."

One of my best friends in grad school was gay. He wasn't effeminate, not by any means, but he had been "out" for several years. Since we lived near San Francisco, when the annual Gay Pride parade rolled around, I asked him if he was going to be participating. "Why?" he responded. "Do you think I'm proud to be gay? Don't you know that my life would be much, much easier if I were straight?" He made it quite clear to me that it's NOT a choice for all people. It's just the way some people are. Yes, he could live in denial and marry and have kids, but that wouldn't be fair to himself or to his spouse (and trust me, he was gorgeous! He could have had any woman of his choosing). For my very intelligent friend, the realization that he was gay was not a matter of choice or pride, but one of self-acceptance. He was a very wise friend, indeed.

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 02 Jun 2006, 01:04

I don't think anyone whose actually given it some proper thought really believes your sexual orientation is a "choice".