The funny thread

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 11 Oct 2005, 09:47

Two monkeys are in a bath.

One goes "ooo ooo! aaa aaa"

The other says "Put some cold in then!"

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 11 Oct 2005, 11:48

grim_tales wrote:Two monkeys are in a bath.

One goes "ooo ooo! aaa aaa"

The other says "Put some cold in then!"

Aw, you saw Jack Dee as well then, did ya!?

Great show btw, both the 2 guest-comedians were funny as well

I liked the one-liner from the USA guy about the bar with the sign 'Liquer in the front, Poker in the back'

Plus the Tom Cruise stuff

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 11 Oct 2005, 11:55

LOL ya got me

Yeah, I like Jack Dee and also both Marcus Brigstocke (sp?) and Rich Hall were funny (much funnier than Rob Brydon last week).
I loved Marcus's rant about the British attitude towards the Olympics - "where will we park"

I liked the Amarillo one, something like "Drive south 300 miles, take highway 28 and turn left. Thats the way to Amarillo. Now fuck off"

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 11 Oct 2005, 12:47

Yeah, all three were pretty hilarious. Sometimes he has comedians one who are just not connecting or something (I'm not sure if I've seen last week's show, or turned it off or whatever...)

I had my doubts about Marcus when he came on, as I didnt know him, plus the first impression wasnt very hopefull, but he soon convinced me.

Rich Hall was hilarious. Also didnt know the guy, only by face, but he really has his own style (not the typical white american guy routine) and it was very deadpan, very dry, and just very very funny...

...and Jack Dee is even funny while wiping his ass, I bet, so I'll always love that guy... (in a non-sexual way, ofcourse)

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 11 Oct 2005, 18:05

Yi can you get BBC1 UK in Holland? (just wondering how you saw Jack Dee).
I've got his "Live at the Appollo" and "Comic Aid" DVDs in my cd-wow rental queue.

I really like the man's brand of angry comedy now - top stuff

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 11 Oct 2005, 19:35

Yeah, we get BBC1, BBC2 and BBC World here ...

I've also got a Jack Dee dvd, as they were on sale not very long ago, on play.com

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 12 Oct 2005, 01:49

And yet, we get no Dutch TV. Are we missing anything???

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 01 Feb 2006, 17:46

Latest batch from the chatrooms:

User1 - On my sofa there's dirty socks, CDs, a weird cable, a broken plug, a swiss knife and an empty beer can.
Me - You've managed to summarize your whole life in less than 5 seconds. Kudos !

User1 - Is the glass half-full or half-empty to you ?
Me - It's way too big.

ThomasFromMarseille - Hello guys !
User1 - Hello !
User2 - Hi !
User3 - Where do you come from ?
ThomasFromMarseille - ........

User1 - Is Sholdinette in this chatroom ?
Sholdinette - No she isn't, sorry.
User1 - Damn.
*User 1 has quit IRC

Me - Let's play Hangman.
User1 - OK.
Me - _ _ _ _
User1 - T ?
Me - _ _ _ T
User1 - I ?
Me - _ _ I T
User 1 - Quit ?
*User1 has quit IRC
Me - The things I have to do to get rid of him.

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 09 Feb 2006, 04:47

Those aren't mine, but they're still funny as hell:

<acidwar> last night, tony and I decided to stop off on the way to the party to get some beer
<acidwar> we come out of the shop a few minutes later and there's a parking guy writing a ticket
<acidwar> tony goes up to him and asks him what the ticket's for, parking guy explains that the car is parked in a no standing zone
<acidwar> tony starts abusing him and tells him to cram it up his ass, so the guy writes a ticket for abusing him
<Nuzzler> haha
<acidwar> so tony gets up him even more, and every time he says something the guy writes another ticket
<acidwar> 14 tickets later, the guy gives up and walks off
<dendyh0> ...
<acidwar> and we both PISS ourselves laughing as we walk back to tony's car around the corner, leaving some poor bastard with 14 parking fines

* @Lan plays with his privates.
<Rintaun> ...
<@Lan> I got these new toy soldiers
<@Lan> They are really neat

<@AntiHeiss> friend of mine went to jail last night
<@AntiHeiss> he probably isn't getting out for a while
<%The_Coolest> y?
<+Enyo> why?
<%The_Coolest>

<@AntiHeiss> it was a girl cop, she was pretty cute too
<@AntiHeiss> she said anything you say can and will be held against you....he sat there for a while and said 'tits'

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 09 Feb 2006, 10:01

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 09 Feb 2006, 11:10

Markgway wrote:And yet, we get no Dutch TV. Are we missing anything???

Sorry for the late reply...

Ehm no, you're missing nothing at all actually. Not many good dutch shows around.

I occasionally watch a comedy series and sports.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 14 Feb 2006, 11:23

Not really a joke but:

[/img]

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 19 Feb 2006, 12:59

Click on the pic to make it bigger.

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 19 Feb 2006, 14:43

Nice. But I prefer this one:

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 19 Feb 2006, 15:17

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 20 Feb 2006, 10:36

It is with the saddest heart I pass on the following:
Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pilsbury spokesman. The Pilsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough; plus, they had a bun in the oven. His elderly father, Pop Tart, also survives him.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects; including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, and The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, as well as Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours as long-time friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. He rose quickly in show business, yet his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie; wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he was still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes, until done. Truly, a sad day.

Shen · Post by **Shen** » 22 Feb 2006, 20:00

my nieces and i were cooking pizza earlier...

niece 1: Aunty Shen are you vegetarian?
Me: Yes
niece 2: Really? We're gonna be christian

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 22 Feb 2006, 20:10

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 22 Feb 2006, 22:57

You guys ever wonder why film and TV are not allowed in Afganistan?

Because of the tele-ban.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 23 Feb 2006, 09:10

*Groan*

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 25 Feb 2006, 14:38

Fucking hell, my lamp just went dead...
And Winamp is making fun of me.
Currently Playing "hack sign - obsession"
Lyrics: "deep in the dark, far off the light"

Me - I wished I had a pretty asian girl to talk to right now.
*PrettyChineseGirl has joined the IRC channel*
Me - Cool.
User1 - I wish I had a million dollars.
*User1 waits*
User1 - Damn it.
Me - I wish I had a 12" penis.
*Me waits*
Me - Cool, it still works.

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 25 Feb 2006, 15:46

How crazy is this ?

Why did they write "Do not ingest the lamp" on the box ?
-I seriously doubt that a smart man would even think about ingesting a lamp.
-I seriously doubt that an idiot would know the meaning of "ingest".

(13:41:15) * Lagora has joined #PrematureEjaculation
(13:41:16) * Lagora has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
(13:41:30) Me - Talk about jumping the gun.

User1 - Hey, Tom. What does Alt+F4 do in IRC ?
Me - I don't know. What does Ctrl+F4 do ?
User1 has quit IRC ()
Me - Owned.

Me - When I was born, God made me choose between a huge penis and a good memory.
User1 - What did you choose ?
Me - I can't remember...

User1 - When I was born, God made me choose between a huge penis and a good memory.
Me - If you remember all that, then I know what you've chosen.
User1 - Fuck.
Me - Owned again.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 25 Feb 2006, 16:05

"Owned"?

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 25 Feb 2006, 16:08

owned:

To have control over: For a time, enemy planes owned the skies.
To admit as being in accordance with fact, truth, or a claim; acknowledge.

Owned is an internet slang word used commonly in gaming circles to acknowledge a form of superiority through the downfall of another group, be it another gaming clan, or a single user.

Often mispelled "Pwned".

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 25 Feb 2006, 16:32

Oh I see

So its' a bit like saying "busted" then right?

Bullets 'n' Babes

The funny thread

Sad News :(