What Have You Just Seen... Marks Out of 5

the68monkey · Post by **the68monkey** » 13 Jan 2008, 00:40

The Painted Veil (4 out of 5)

Based on the novel by W. Somerset Maugham, The Painted Veil follows the story of Kitty, a 1920s London socialite who reluctantly marries the intellectual and dull Dr. Walter Fane, a bacteriologist who is stunned by her looks and charm. Although the match is a good social one, the two are very poor companions, and Kitty finds herself incredibly bored by her bookish husband. Living abroad in China, Kitty falls into a passionate affair with a British society man. Walter learns of the affair and gives his wife a choice: Divorce on the condition that her lover will also divorce his wife and marry Kitty, or else accompany Walter to interior China to help battle cholera epidemics. Since Kitty's lover has no intention of divorcing his wealthy wife, it's off to interior China they go.

Isolated from everybody, including her distant husband, Kitty begins to examine her own existence and search for purpose and meaning in her life. The experience brings her to the realization of what a good man Walter is, but alas, in Kitty's own words: "As if a woman would love a man because of his virtue." Yes, it's true. Nice guys finish last.

I won't give away the ending, but I will say that it takes a slightly happier turn than the novel, in which Maugham makes clear the distinction between a love borne of respect and admiration, and a love of pure passion and longing. In Maugham's world, the two are separate, never crossing boundaries.

Worth seeing for the incredible beauty of China, as well as the importance of supporting roles played by Toby Jones, Diana Rigg, and Anthony Wong. As always, Naomi Watts is totally convincing in whatever role she takes on.

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 13 Jan 2008, 01:05

I hear this is good. The trailer made it look like your usual Hollywood sentimental tosh.

degeneration · Post by **degeneration** » 13 Jan 2008, 01:16

Hellboy 3/5

Good fun comic book nonsense. Was entertaining, but not a keeper.

American Pie presents The Naked Mile - film 1.5/5, boobies 3.5/5

Not a patch comedy wise on the originals from this series. Some quite funny moments in there, getting more vulgar as they try to push the limits more. Plenty of boobies to be seen, though mostly in the naked mile section. If you like boobs, it is worth seeing.

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 13 Jan 2008, 01:22

The Untold Scandal: 2,5/5

Story is good, but that's Shakespeare's doing. Acting in this movie is so-so, and TBH it looks more like a TV drama than a realistic period-movie. Cinematography etc is sub-standard.

the68monkey · Post by **the68monkey** » 13 Jan 2008, 01:24

Entourage, Season 2 (4 out of 5)

This series just keeps getting better and better. Jeremy Piven as agent Ari Gold is, well . . . pure gold.

The antics of Drama and Turtle keep you laughing and shaking your head while the main storylines are fueled by Vince and "E." The best episode would have to be "The Sundance Kids," with a hilarious caricature of Harvey Weinstein. James Cameron plays along, showing up several times as the famous director that he is, planning the next great action hero film, Aquaman.

Give this series a chance, and it won't be long before you're giving a mighty Viking Quest whoop of "VICTORY!!!"

the68monkey · Post by **the68monkey** » 13 Jan 2008, 01:34

Yi-Long wrote:The Untold Scandal: 2,5/5

Story is good, but that's Shakespeare's doing. Acting in this movie is so-so, and TBH it looks more like a TV drama than a realistic period-movie. Cinematography etc is sub-standard.

Is this the Korean film of a few years ago? If so, I was a bit disappointed, too. (I reviewed it somewhere several years back). Lots of versions of this French story, one of the better ones being Valmont, with Colin Firth.

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 13 Jan 2008, 01:37

degeneration wrote:American Pie presents The Naked Mile - film 1.5/5, boobies 3.5/5

Crikey there is a lot of boobs:

http://dvd.tf1.fr/dvd/news/0,,3429020,0 ... uite-.html

Shingster · Post by **Shingster** » 13 Jan 2008, 01:39

romerojpg wrote:District 13 I like so much, I am thinking of getting the HD DVD version cracking film.

Nah I can see where HungFist is coming from with D13 tbh, I mean... There's no elephant abduction in it!

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 13 Jan 2008, 02:46

the68monkey wrote:
Yi-Long wrote:The Untold Scandal: 2,5/5

Story is good, but that's Shakespeare's doing. Acting in this movie is so-so, and TBH it looks more like a TV drama than a realistic period-movie. Cinematography etc is sub-standard.
Is this the Korean film of a few years ago? If so, I was a bit disappointed, too. (I reviewed it somewhere several years back). Lots of versions of this French story, one of the better ones being Valmont, with Colin Firth.

Yeah, it's a few years old I believe. Didnt know any of the actors, or at least I didnt recognize any of them. It just looked cheap-made. They just went to some tourist-location which is perfect perfect, looking like it's coming straight from an anime or something, and all the girls and gals look like they're in a teeny-band and they wear perfectly clean dresses etc. I mean, it's like the Barbie Dreamhouse Korean Opera Show or something. And that total lack of realisme kinda distracts from the movie, cause you keep realising these are just modern-day actors dressed up and doing a play, on film. It never actually makes you think you, or those you are watching, are IN that time-period, and that it's 'real' etc.

Like I said, it's a shame. The core story is very good, with a sad ending etc... but they messed it up with the overly clean look.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 13 Jan 2008, 04:33

bradavon wrote:Catwomen in Batman Returns is so better than the awful but passable Catwoman.

What??

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 13 Jan 2008, 04:37

degeneration wrote:If you like boobs, it is worth seeing.

I likes boobies!!

Have you seen this one yet?

http://www.bbfc.co.uk/website/Classifie ... enDocument

Makes you wonder what it took to get an '18' when you consider the stuff they've got away with in a '15'(!)

degeneration · Post by **degeneration** » 13 Jan 2008, 10:17

Brad - nice link, and that doesn't include all the nudity in the film! There is still the odd scene or two with boobies or full nudity that isn't pictured!

Mark - will be seeing that one when it is available cheap! With the availability of boobs for free on the internet, I'm not going to pay over the odds for what is quite likely to be a rather crap film! I've read that the nudity levels have been increased for Beta House, so looking forward to it! And it being an 18 bodes well!

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 13 Jan 2008, 10:28

Markgway wrote:
bradavon wrote:Catwomen in Batman Returns is so better than the awful but passable Catwoman.
What??

Mark, Brad means that the Catwoman (Michelle Peiffer) in Batman Returns is a much better character than the "Catwoman" played by Halle Berry in "Catwoman"

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 13 Jan 2008, 10:31

The Black Dahlia: 2.5/5

Well made and well acted but a bit boring and dull TBH. The period detail/design is very good.
The language seemed wrong and anachronistic at times, I wasnt sure I cared what happened to the characters.
Still, at least you get to see the beautiful Mia Kirshner kissing/having sex with another girl

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 13 Jan 2008, 10:33

Thanks Mark

We only see her getting bullied by Shreck and his cronies, doesnt mean its every man but I understand what you mean.

HungFist · Post by **HungFist** » 13 Jan 2008, 10:47

Shingster wrote:
romerojpg wrote:District 13 I like so much, I am thinking of getting the HD DVD version cracking film.
Nah I can see where HungFist is coming from with D13 tbh, I mean... There's no elephant abduction in it!

Not even a pony. Stupid French.

The Untold Scandal on the other hand is great, one of the few good Koreans I have seen the recent years. I wrote "stylish, witty, erotic and even cute, not to forget some excellent dark humour"

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 13 Jan 2008, 14:24

Markgway wrote:What??

Have you seen it?

It was as bad as I was expecting, that is considering my expectations were as low as they can get. I've definitely seen worse.

It was on ITV a few weeks back. I used to own it. I paid 50p for it when I was in Vietnam

, it went in the bin before I ended up watching it.

5 out of 10.

Shingster · Post by **Shingster** » 13 Jan 2008, 18:32

Markgway wrote:
degeneration wrote:If you like boobs, it is worth seeing.
I likes boobies!!

Have you seen this one yet?

http://www.bbfc.co.uk/website/Classifie ... enDocument

Makes you wonder what it took to get an '18' when you consider the stuff they've got away with in a '15'(!)

Well, in terms of sexual content and nudity it's about on par with The Naked Mile, but there's a scene near the start where Erik Stifler moves into his dorm and meets his roommate for the first time, and his roomie is this fat kid who is having naked fat sweaty sex with his fat girlfriend, who's riding on top of him chewing gum. Anyway, in an utterly "hilarious" comedy twist, they invite him in & start talking to him like it's perfectly natural to introduce yourself to someone whilst shagging. Anyway, midway through the girl starts choking on the chewing gum, and stifler has to do the Heimlich Manoeuvre on her, whilst she's still fucking her boyfriend, so it looks like some dirty 3-way gangbang when stifler's m8 (or dad, can't remember) walks in and sees him. Then after that comedy moment the fat kid says "Dude, I don't wanna freak you out or anything, but I like totally came!".

I reckon that magnificent scene earned the film its 18 certificate.

Oh and yes, in case you couldn't tell Beta House does manage to be even worse than Naked Mile!

Lourdes · Post by **Lourdes** » 13 Jan 2008, 18:58

PotC 3 - 1/10
First film was entertaining, the others are unwatchable shite.

The Bourne Ultimatum - 7/10
Matt Damon has a babyface and is therefore completely unconvincing in action films. However, this film wasn't bad.

Zodiac - 5/10
No, no, no David Fincher what is this? Horrible casting and pacing, and the 'true story' basis results in a dull and uneventful film.

Ocean's Thirteen - 1/10
See PotC 3.

Apocalypto - 8/10
Mel Gibson is insane but this is good entertainment, more story would have been nice though.

Rush Hour 3 - 2/10
See PotC 3.

Empire of the Sun - 7/10
Not the best example of this sort of war film but still rather good and in a less usual setting.

I Am Legend - 4/10
Presumably made to follow 28 Weeks Later, Land of the Dead etc. Bad, quite bad but you can still watch it happily enough.

Mallrats - 7/10
My first ever Kevin Smith film, not sure how I've managed that. Reminded me of Ferris Bueller, smug but good.

Clerks - 7/10
Same as above really, smug but good.

Chasing Amy - 7/10
Not as entertaining as the above two but it makes up for it by having some heart.

Dogma - 5/10
Hmm, no.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - 1/10
Dire.

The Game - 7/10
It has lots of issues but I did quite enjoy this.

American Gangster - 5/10
No, thank you. So uninteresting and dated.

Eastern Promises - NR/10
The accents, the accents... I couldn't watch it, I just couldn't.

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 13 Jan 2008, 19:04

Shooter 3.5/5
Aye - reasonably entertaining.

No Country for Old Men 4/5
Deep meditative focus on morality, which brilliantly incorporates various styles - ranging from film noir to westerns. Anton Chigurh has got to be one of the greatest villains ever. Not since Hannibal Lecter have I seen anyone strike so much fear with a simple glance.

Knetan · Post by **Knetan** » 13 Jan 2008, 20:00

hey,

Le Vieux fusil (The Old Gun) 3.5/5

Basically Death Wish in German occupied France. Brutal and violent with the ocassional flashback to remind us of the hatred and slow descent into insanity Philippe Noiret's character goes through. Effective use of a singular setting.

Beatrice Cenci 3/5

Takes a while to get into as Lucio Fulci uses a flashback structure without giving us a heads up. But the murder mystery at heart, specificallt the killing of a cruel father, the role of a seemingly pure daughter and her lover amidst all this is fairly captivating. Contains some cruel torture scenes.

The Lovers 3/5
Tsui Hark doesn't miss a beat when employing farce amongst the supporting cast but in his re-telling of the "Butterfly Lovers"-legend, he doesn't quite get the light vs. the dark of Charlie Yeong and Nicky Wu's romance to click. The operatic ending images (and most others throughout) are pure candy though.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 13 Jan 2008, 20:25

The Lovers gets better as it goes on (after an iffy start) but the ending is all wrong... you can't create a "light" movie and then stick on a tragic ending and expect the audience to care? Doesn't work like that. You have to build your tragedy up gradually... that was probably my biggest beef with the film.

I haven't seen Catwoman because I know it'll be shit. I did see a few mins when it was on ITV and it looked, erm, shit.

My confusion was in the assertion that Catwoman was "awful but passable". Which is it: awful OR passable?

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 13 Jan 2008, 20:31

CAPE FEAR (1991) 4/5

Brilliantly crafted, super-stylish remake adds so much depth and character, as well as genuine menace, and grisly violence, that it easily surpasses the tame, surprisingly (to me) cardboard original. Unfortunately there are three flaws: 1. The final scenes are just TOO overblown and threaten to turn the film into a black comedy. 2. The scene in the theatre between Juliette Lewis and DeNiro stuck right in the centre of the film kills the story dead for several awfully long minutes. I'd love them to have cut that scene down considerably. It's awkward and feels wrong. 3. Jessica Lange: who's mannered "neurotic" and unsympathetic perfromance fails to match her co-stars. (Are we supposed to dislike her so much? If so, fair enough.) DeNiro for the most part is effective and Nolte is excellent, nice support work too from Joe Don Baker and Robert Mitchum. Flaws aside, I would highly recommend this as a superior chiller.

Knetan · Post by **Knetan** » 13 Jan 2008, 20:32

hey,

You have to build your tragedy up gradually... that was probably my biggest beef with the film.

I would agree with that but I guess as its own reel, I was very much drawn in. Wonder how other adaptations have done, everything from Love Eterne to the animated feature.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 13 Jan 2008, 20:33

Never seen The Love Eterne but it wouldn't surprise me (from what I've read) if that was the best incarnation.