What Have You Just Seen... Marks Out of 5

thelostdragon · Post by **thelostdragon** » 10 Jan 2008, 23:46

Yi-Long wrote:BTW, Will Smith has converted to scientology! Awesome news! He's one of us now, guys! :twisted:

Last news I heard was that he strongly refused to join them. What happened? Any news sources, Yi?

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 11 Jan 2008, 01:22

thelostdragon wrote:
Yi-Long wrote:BTW, Will Smith has converted to scientology! Awesome news! He's one of us now, guys! :twisted:
Last news I heard was that he strongly refused to join them. What happened? Any news sources, Yi?

I saw it on yesterday's Colbert report. I dont know the ins-and-outs...

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 11 Jan 2008, 10:42

Is Scientology the cult that says we're all aliens or some shit like that?

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 11 Jan 2008, 16:22

grim_tales wrote:Is Scientology the cult that says we're all aliens or some shit like that?

Almost, Scientology says that there's souls of dead aliens attached to our bodies. (I recommend reading the Wikipedia article, the mythos behind the "religion" is totally hilarious.)

It's really a massive global scam though.

bradavon wrote:It didn't get disastrous reviews, just special over here.

Huh?

Repeat again in English please.

romerojpg · Post by **romerojpg** » 11 Jan 2008, 16:46

Scientology is crackers, they think sperm are minature whales from space

and if you eat them you will become a king alien in the afterlife

Guess you eat them after you suck down a bottle of afterbirth

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 11 Jan 2008, 17:45

I think Brad meant to say, the reviews over here werent disasterous, but not great/special either.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 11 Jan 2008, 18:17

Scientology was created by a hack sci-fi writer with a dubious relationship with the truth.

Need anyone say more...?

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 11 Jan 2008, 18:52

romerojpg wrote:Scientology is crackers, they think sperm are minature whales from space and if you eat them you will become a king alien in the afterlife

...yeah... that news should brighten up my girlfriend's day...

I guess that's the excuse Tom needed for becoming a closet-gay

"Im just investing in my own future, in the after-life! .... now give me some more!"

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 11 Jan 2008, 21:35

Yo-Yo Girl Cop: Codename Asamiya Saki (2006 - Japan - by Kenta Fukasaku with Aya Matsuura and Ishikawa Rika): 0,25 / 5

I honestly don't think that movies can get much worse than this.

Synopsis:
In order to save her mother, a young girl has to infiltrate a school and stop a bunch of kamikaze students from blowing themselves up. She's got a 3-day time limit and a yo-yo.

If you think the plot makes no sense at all, you're probably right.
There's no narrative structure whatsoever. Not that it matters much, because nothing happens in this film anyway.
Usually, I'd be fine with the lack of plot (if it's just an excuse for a bunch of good fight scenes, that's OK). But there are no action scenes.

If that wasn't bad enough: Rika Ishikawa is cute but her acting doesn't fit her character (she's almost as bad as Maggie Q in Die Hard 4), the camerawork is barely average and never have I seen so many plot holes in a single film.

Strong contender for "Worst film ever made" (on par with Dream of a Warrior). Even the most insane Morning Musume fan would have a hard time liking it.

gasteropod · Post by **gasteropod** » 11 Jan 2008, 22:18

I like the screencap

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 11 Jan 2008, 23:53

(she's almost as bad as Maggie Q in Die Hard 4)

I thought Maggie was a bad ass bitch in DH4.

And that girl looks hot in that cap. She can play with my yoyos anytime.

thelostdragon · Post by **thelostdragon** » 12 Jan 2008, 01:27

Incredible Kung Fu Mission - 3.5/5
Every film with John Liu is ace!

Knetan · Post by **Knetan** » 12 Jan 2008, 09:20

hey,

Crazy Nuts 1/5
Melvin Wong and Liu Wai-hung are private dicks chasing after a pearl and that's about as coherent as you get. Wacky and boring.

Shaolin Vs Lama 3.5/5
Fun stuff although they could've left out the actual so called fun as even this generic kung-fu storyline didn't need it. When discarding it, Lee Tso-nam offers up fine martial arts with a very buff looking Alexander Lo Rei. The finale is terrific with some bone crunching stuff included and the final line by the villain is a true classic.

United We Stand 2/5
Nothing too inept about this sports movie by Kent Cheng but no basic execution done particularly well either.

Techno Warriors 1.5/5
Phillip Ko does Street Fighter in the Philippines and the result is at times entertaining because it's wall to wall laser-war mayhem but we get tired quickly by a lot of boring kicking and posing.

Super Lady Cop 3/5
Billy Chung directs with a stylish and intense touch this woman cop actioner that also pours on with some healthy gunplay and brutality.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 12 Jan 2008, 10:02

Batman Returns: 3.5/5

Fun but has the same panto performances as the first movie (eg Danny DeVito as the Penguin). Again the villains get better lines.
Why/how did Catwoman turn evil (well bad anyway)

degeneration · Post by **degeneration** » 12 Jan 2008, 10:53

The Golden Compass 2.5/5

What a wasted opportunity this was. The His Dark Materials trilogy should have been the next LotR in size and epic-ness. Instead it is a rather disjointed film, with no real depth and a really stupid ending point.

If you are going to make a film of a book, it is very likely that a lot of detail will have to be dropped. That I can accept, but so much seems to be dropped here, including the final 1/4 of the book that it just seems like a hollow shell. I was very disappointed.

Lyra was decent, but some lines were quite poor, a lot of the other kids couldn't really act, Daniel Craig is clearly just there as a big name to sell the film as he's only in it for about 5 mins.

Teh guy playing Scorseby was perfect though. Fit the book's character in every way and detail and easily the best cast person in the film.

I was very disappointed with the armoured bears. Their story a MUCH bigger and more important aspect of the book, but in the film it has been chopped of detail and depth so much it is literally a 5 minute aside. Their armour was very disapponting too. The whole speach about their armour being equivalent to their soul, and without it they are nothing was a major anti-climax. When Iorek was getting his armour back the guards people said "aim for neck and head"... So I would have expected his armour to have been FAR more protective than it actually was. In the book he gets shot at and the bullets bounce off his armour presumably cause there is very little vulnerable flesh showing... Not in the film. Lots of vulnerable flesh showing and conveniently any time anyone goes to shoot at him, someone else comes in to stop them being able to. So very badly realised...

This could and should have been great, but it isn't. Saw it with my girlf who hasn't read the book, and she was a little confused and quite bored.

But the ending WTF was that?!!?! Where the hell is the ending?!!? They just seemed to have decided to stop at at random point! Everything the story was building up to with Lord Asriel was not included!!

I've heard they are planning on starting the 2nd film with the ending from the first book... not got a clue how the hell that is going to work as how then do they introduce the start of the 2nd book?!?!

While I still thought it was an ok film, I've not been so disappointed in a film for a long time. They rounded the book off so much that there is no finer detail, that was so important in the books, left at all.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 12 Jan 2008, 10:59

I agree with you on most of that, I hadnt read the book either. Golden Compass seemed very much a children's film.
I liked the bears though. I also agree about the kids being irritating, and the ending boiled down to "Tune in for the next film, its going to be oh so fun! We're going to get into so many scrapes!"

In one bit - doesnt Nicole Kidman say to her monkey daemon "I would never hurt you"

Of course not - the daemon's pain is her pain right?

So it wasnt terrible, but hardly great either.

degeneration · Post by **degeneration** » 12 Jan 2008, 12:35

I'd read the books, they are very good. Northern Lights (or Golden Compass) I thought was actually the best book of the three cause it has a great story and is smaller scale, which made it more exciting for me.

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 12 Jan 2008, 12:44

RE: The production history of The Golden Compass:-

I think it was more the excessive studio interference that killed the movie; the director couldn't have made a decent movie even if he'd wanted to.

Here's a very sobering article about how New Line systematically stripped everything worthwhile about the book away in order to make a more marketable movie.

thelostdragon · Post by **thelostdragon** » 12 Jan 2008, 13:06

Beverly Hills Cop - 4/5

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 12 Jan 2008, 20:36

grim_tales wrote:Why/how did Catwoman turn evil (well bad anyway)

She's timid, gets bullied and used by men, then finally murdered by one. When she's resurrected by felines, her personality has altered so that she now hates men and is strong enough to fight against them. Only Batman/Bruce Wayne is able to find a chink in her armour, but in the end it proves to be not enough to save her. Why she sides up with The Penguin is usual contrivance, but basically to get at Batman and Max Schreck.

degeneration · Post by **degeneration** » 12 Jan 2008, 21:09

District 13 4.5/5

Great film! Mindless, acrobatic entertainment and a decent DVD too. £2.99 from choicesuk was a damn good bargain for this one!

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 12 Jan 2008, 21:14

Catwomen in Batman Returns is so better than the awful but passable Catwoman. Halle does look amazing in leather.

HungFist · Post by **HungFist** » 12 Jan 2008, 21:24

degeneration wrote:District 13 4.5/5

Great film! Mindless, acrobatic entertainment and a decent DVD too. £2.99 from choicesuk was a damn good bargain for this one!

That too made it to my 'bottom 10 movies seen last year' list.

https://www.bulletsnbabesdvd.com/forums/ ... 2&start=17

I bet somebody's gonna start praising I'm a Cyborg But That's Okay tomorrow...

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 12 Jan 2008, 23:41

HungFist! Hates the films you love!

romerojpg · Post by **romerojpg** » 13 Jan 2008, 00:19

District 13 I like so much, I am thinking of getting the HD DVD version

cracking film.