Bullets 'n' Babes

Legionnaire (1998) ***
Pleasingly old-fashioned action drama set in Morocco with Jean-Claude joining the foreign legion after killing a mobster.
Critics predictably sneered at JCVD's attempt at an acting stretch, but his performance is good, and his storytelling instincts sound.
The war battles are well done, especially climactic raid on fort. No martial arts here, which may disappoint some fans.
Hard to believe that Knock Off and Universal Soldier: The Return got theatrical releases, whilst this superior effort went straight to video.

Pledge (2018) **
The sinister horrors of college fraternity hazing may prove more effective to an American audience.
To Brits it will surely appear silly and unlikely.

Romancing the Stone (1984) **½
Amiable, tongue-in-cheek adventure.

Replicant (2001) **½
JCVD plays a serial killer and his blank slate clone in Ringo Lam's reasonably good thriller.
The best of Van Damme's post-millennial DTV output (though filmed for theatrical release).

Shudders (Finland, 1965) [VoD] – 1.5/5
The very first Finnish nudie flick, according to the publicity. A lonely fisherman sees three naked mermaids rising from the sea. Then he wanders around and wonders if it was just a dream. Boobs mostly from one actress, and some very brief full frontal. The narrator dresses it all in dull poetry. The Finnish censorship board showed some sense of humour when they classified this as nature documentary. The rating was General Audiences. Indeed, little excitement here for Finnish audiences used to seeing naked girls on silver screen at least since the early 50s (The Witch, 1952), and seas and lakes for long before that.

City Slickers (1991) ***½
Terrific comedy-drama.

The Hunt (2019) **½
Controversial horror satire in which liberal elitists hunt right-wing "deplorables".
Not worth the hype, but it's an OK view.
Betty Gilpin gives an amusingly eccentric lead performance.

Deep Star Six (USA, 1989) [BD] – 2.5/5
Underwater creature feature with the standard premise of a monstrosity being unleashed by human meddling. This time it's a fucking crab! A fun performance by Miguel Ferrer and two or three great practical gore effects are the highlights here. The rest of the cast are uniformly dull and Sean S. Cunningham's workmanlike directing fails to inspire. When the creature (a fucking crab!) is finally revealed, it's not memorable.

Dr. No (UK, 1962) [BD] – 4/5
Stylish, exciting spy film with exotic locations. Connery is terrific, full of charm, but not without menace. This is also pleasingly low-key compared to some of the later films. The limited budget only hurts the ending, which is a bit bargain basement.

From Russia with Love (UK, 1963) [BD] – 4.5/5
Elegant, romantic follow-up is an almost a Hitchcock level thriller. Beautifully written, filmed and scored, with wonderful performances. Robert Shaw makes a great villain, and Daniela Bianchi is a pleasure for the eye even if her role is a bit sexist. Lotte Lenya is admittedly cartoonish as hell.

Goldfinger (UK, 1964) [BD] – 4/5
One of the highest regarded Bond films this may be, it doesn’t quite have the elegance of From Russia with Love. It’s a pulpier, more superficial action film, with some tonal misfires (the bloody cowboy culture bits), but it’s still full of enjoyable 60s swing.

Thunderball (UK, 1965) [BD] – 2.5/5
A rather dated adventure, with expensive underwater sequences that fail to excite 55 years after. Tom Jones’ theme song and some clever moments (the ending, the discussions between Connery and Adolfo Celi etc.) are what the film’s got going for it. Not bad, buy a bit underwhelming. Connery looks a bit uninspired in the role, too.

Spiderman: Homecoming (2017): 4.25/5

Exciting, action packed and often funny. Tom Holland is very good playing an 'in-training' kind of Spiderman.

Kung Fu Panda Holiday Special: 4.25/5

The Snowman and the Snowdog: 3.5/5

You Only Live Twice (UK, 1967) [VoD] – 4.5/5
Imaginative, tremendously exciting adventure, also a great example how utilize Japan in a foreign film: integrate the setting into the plot, marry the hero to a Japanese girl, cast local superstars and hottest young talent (Tetsuro Tamba, Akiko Wakabayashi, Mie Hama) in well written roles, and bring in grandmaster Masaaki Hatsumi to help with your ninja action! Also features a great score, Little Nellie, couple of delightfully insane scenes (e.g. Bond turning Japanese) and Donald Pleasence as Blofeld. Oh and Wakabayashi is a goddess, and Hama is hot too.

Akiko Wakabayashi (Aki) is gorgeous

On Her Majesty's Secret Service (UK, 1969) [VoD] – 2.5/5
Despite the neglected gem (*) reputation, this is a messy, overlong mishap. From Bond posing as a genealogy lecturer (in kilt!) to planning a marriage with a gangster’s daughter, this is ridiculous to the point of turning into a self-parody (which may, but should not have, been their intention). Oddly enough, the action is abysmally edited despite director Hunt being a former editor. But the film does have a fantastic Barry score, beautiful scenery, and a great ending, so it’s still worthwhile despite it all!

* I may have used those exact words myself in the past... not sure what I was thinking back then.

Mulan (2020)

If anyone was buying this for Jet Li, not only is his role miniscule, but he seems to be rather poorly dubbed.

I actually enjoyed this a lot more than the other recent Disney remakes, though it plays much more as a new version of the original story than a revival of Disney's romantic/comedy/musical classic formula. The film has come under a lot of flack for having Mulan gifted with martial arts prowess from the get-go, which I understand is something from the original tales.

Ultimately this feels rather retro, NOT for being based on a 90s cartoon, but because it definetly feels like a Crouching Tiger cash-in from 20 years ago. Cheng Pei-pei is even in it!



7/10

HungFist wrote: 29 Dec 2020, 12:57 On Her Majesty's Secret Service (UK, 1969) [VoD] – 2.5/5
Despite the neglected gem (*) reputation, this is a messy, overlong mishap. From Bond posing as a genealogy lecturer (in kilt!) to planning a marriage with a gangster’s daughter, this is ridiculous to the point of turning into a self-parody (which may, but should not have, been their intention). Oddly enough, the action is abysmally edited despite director Hunt being a former editor. But the film does have a fantastic Barry score, beautiful scenery, and a great ending, so it’s still worthwhile despite it all!

* I may have used those exact words myself in the past... not sure what I was thinking back then.

Like King Kong (1976) and Game of Death '78, this is what I call a cheat film, in that it compensates for having a leading man being basically a former shadow of his previous self by having a beautiful John Barry score.

HungFist wrote: 27 Dec 2020, 13:37 You Only Live Twice (UK, 1967) [VoD] – 4.5/5
Imaginative, tremendously exciting adventure, also a great example how utilize Japan in a foreign film: integrate the setting into the plot, marry the hero to a Japanese girl, cast local superstars and hottest young talent (Tetsuro Tamba, Akiko Wakabayashi, Mie Hama) in well written roles, and bring in grandmaster Masaaki Hatsumi to help with your ninja action! Also features a great score, Little Nellie, couple of delightfully insane scenes (e.g. Bond turning Japanese) and Donald Pleasence as Blofeld. Oh and Wakabayashi is a goddess, and Hama is hot too.

It throws away a great book sadly - which is why I rolled my eyes everytime Roald Dahl kvetched about changes made to the films of his books.

But Karin Dor getting eaten by piranhas is my fave scene in the Bond films, so it's not all bad!

The Haunting (1963, USA) Criterion Channel - 5/5
Again, this movie for me gets a boost for my nostalgia of it, but as far as I'm concerned it's a perfect movie anyway. I'm not much of a fan of ghost movies or haunted house movies - most use cheap gimmicks to bring out scares - this one is genuinely creepy, with a great cast, a great story and a great ending. And the house itself is a great character as well.

HungFist wrote: 29 Dec 2020, 12:57 On Her Majesty's Secret Service (UK, 1969) [VoD] – 2.5/5
Despite the neglected gem (*) reputation, this is a messy, overlong mishap. From Bond posing as a genealogy lecturer (in kilt!) to planning a marriage with a gangster’s daughter, this is ridiculous to the point of turning into a self-parody (which may, but should not have, been their intention). Oddly enough, the action is abysmally edited despite director Hunt being a former editor. But the film does have a fantastic Barry score, beautiful scenery, and a great ending, so it’s still worthwhile despite it all!

* I may have used those exact words myself in the past... not sure what I was thinking back then.

Agree with every single word you say.

Diamonds are Forever (UK, 1971) [VoD] – 3/5
A tougher, 70s style crime film with Connery back after 4 years (somehow he seems to have aged 14 years!). The film’s second half goes for the more outlandish Bond spheres, which is also when it starts losing steam. Shirley Bassey’s theme song is the best in the series!

The fight scenes in OHMSS might be janky as hell, but for 1969 Hollywood they are incredibly kinetic, I'll give 'em that. This is long before HK action cinema taught Hollywood how to properly undercrank and edit fight scenes. Hell, jumping from OHMSS to Quantum of Solace you'd think Hollywood never learnt a jot in the interceding decades!

A little break before I get to the Moore era.

Combat Shock (USA, 1984) [VoD] - 2/5
Troma Entertainment presents: the most depressing fucking movie you'll ever see. A Vietnam vet haunted by combat traumas wanders around a town while his wife and baby starve in the shittiest apartment on earth. No money, no job, nothing to eat, and everybody are abusing them. An odd, depressing score keeps playing non-stop. Utterly unforgettable, undeniably effective, and almost unwatchable piece of genuine nihilism that will make the viewer feel like absolute shit.