The funny thread

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 06 Sep 2006, 08:58

Good stuff.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 06 Sep 2006, 12:34

Techno Cat

dragonhero005 · Post by **dragonhero005** » 06 Sep 2006, 15:40

What a poor little thing.

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 09 Sep 2006, 10:45

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 6353&hl=en

Escaped convict & some kind of Sheriff Rosco ... one has a high intelligence... one doesnt...

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 09 Sep 2006, 15:28

Can't be arsed watching ten mins of two guys standing in the middle of the road yapping... what's the gist?

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 09 Sep 2006, 15:35

This is the public domain tape from inside the police car...

Guy has escaped from prison, massive manhunt, this cop sees this guy running over the traintracks, stops him, questions him, guy has a big BS (but believable) story, cop lets him go again... turns out it was the fugitive...

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 09 Sep 2006, 15:47

Right...

I bet the cop feels like a cow's arse...

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 09 Sep 2006, 17:00

Already looked like one, so that will go well together...

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 11 Sep 2006, 20:53

A hip young man goes out and buys a 1997 Ferrari GTO . It is the best and most expensive car available in the world, costing about $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and while stopping for a red light, an old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies, "A 1997 Ferrari GTO. They cost about a half million dollars!"
"That's a lot of money," says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?!" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And it almost looked like the old man on the moped!
"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Ferrari?!" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The young man jumps out, and it IS the old man!!! Of course, the moped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're badly hurt! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man moans and replies, "Yes, Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 12 Sep 2006, 20:30

There were 3 bees, a squirrel and a man in a car.They were driving along a country lane and the car broke down.

The first bee said , " dont worry ill give us a few extra miles by peeing in the tank",
it worked , for a couple of miles that is until they broke down again. And so the second bee decided to do the same as the first bee, but this lasted another couple of miles until they broke down again, so the third bee did exactly the same.Then finally the car broke down.

The squirrel said " I'll pee in the tank"

The man replied, sorry mate, this car only runs on BP.

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 13 Sep 2006, 12:58

I don't get it... maybe it'll make more sense when I'm fully awake.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 13 Sep 2006, 13:05

BiscLimpkit wrote:There were 3 bees, a squirrel and a man in a car.They were driving along a country lane and the car broke down.

The first bee said , " dont worry ill give us a few extra miles by peeing in the tank",
it worked , for a couple of miles that is until they broke down again. And so the second bee decided to do the same as the first bee, but this lasted another couple of miles until they broke down again, so the third bee did exactly the same.Then finally the car broke down.

The squirrel said " I'll pee in the tank"

The man replied, sorry mate, this car only runs on BP.

*Groan*

Tom, BP = British Petroleum, a Petrol Company = "bee pee"

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 13 Sep 2006, 13:28

D'oh !

I know what BP is, but in my head I was saying it in french (Bay-Pay).
That's why it didn't make sense.

Thanks Grim.

tom2681 · Post by **tom2681** » 16 Sep 2006, 15:34

Now where's that "Lord of the G-Strings" poster ?

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 16 Sep 2006, 15:40

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 16 Sep 2006, 20:30

Jeez, those ladies look a bit rough.

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 25 Sep 2006, 16:12

LOL, Blu-ray.

[/img]

Keung · Post by **Keung** » 25 Sep 2006, 16:20

Stupid joke I heard today...

"What happened to the tap dancer?"

- He fell in the sink.

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 25 Sep 2006, 16:22

Chugworth Academy is probably the best webcomic in all of Glasgow.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 25 Sep 2006, 17:38

EvaUnit02 wrote:
LOL, Blu-ray.

[/img]

Is that animé Cutie Honey?

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 26 Sep 2006, 01:54

grim_tales wrote:Is that animé Cutie Honey?

No. It looks like a screencap from a hentai game - I found it on another forum so I wouldn't know.

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 26 Sep 2006, 22:46

Yeah yeah....

EvaUnit02 · Post by **EvaUnit02** » 27 Sep 2006, 14:33

BiscLimpkit wrote:Yeah yeah....

If you must know I found it while browsing 4chan out of curiousity to see what people say about it is true, man they were fucking right. Warning: unless you want to be disturbed for life, NEVER EVER goto 4chan.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 27 Sep 2006, 14:43

What is 4Chan?

BiscLimpkit · Post by **BiscLimpkit** » 06 Oct 2006, 16:08

I was down the pub on Sunday night, very quiet, only me and a very old couple sitting at the back. They were fairly tanning through the sherry and reminiscing a bit:

"Well Flora, that's 65 years we've been married now and I love you more than ever".

I thought "Aw, sweet, who said romance was dead, eh?". The sherry was starting to kick in and it got a bit more risque:

"Flora my darling, do you remember when we were courting? We'd come here every weekend and on the way home I'd have you up against the gasworks fence for a quick knee-trembler?" "Oh Henry, how could I forget? It was the only chance we had in those days before we were married."

At this point, the barman was practically leaning over the bar to lug in. They continued:

"Flora, would you like to recreate the early days? How's about we pay a little visit to the gasworks and remind ourselves how it used to be?" "Henry, you naughty man! Heehee, why not? Let's see if you've still got it, you old tiger!"

They left the pub. The barman said to me "I have GOT to see this! They must be pushing ninety, there's no way this is gonna happen. I'm going to take a look, keep an eye on the bar for 5 minutes for me, help yourself to a pint." Off he went.

The barman came back. "I've never seen anything like it. Right enough, there they were up against the fence and they were going for it like you wouldn't believe! I've never seen anything like it. Fuck, I've gotta find out what their secret is!"

10 minutes later, the old couple came back, looking pretty dishevelled. The barman couldn't contain himself any longer:

"Excuse me folks, I couldn't help overhearing what you were saying earlier about the gasworks and that. I hope you don't mind, but I had to take a quick look to see for myself and I couldn't believe it. You're amazing! What's your secret?"

The old man said "Well son, the thing is, back in those days the fence wasn't electrified."