Modern Marriage

Mordib · Post by **Mordib** » 16 Mar 2005, 14:46

Marriage is something that has increasingly intrigued me over the years. To the majority of people, in Britain at least the norm if you love someone is to one day get married and have kids. The kids part of the equation is slowly dissapearing but the marriage part appears to still be paramount in importance.

Now I never intend to get married or have kids. but I do intend to find myself a woman to love and love me back for the rest of my life. I have a problem with marriage because a) i feel that if my partner needs the reassurance of a piece of paper that I want to be with her forever then somethings wrong and b) As far as I know even civil ceremonies require you to swear before god, so the whole thing for a non believer is kind of one big lie!

Does this make sense to people, am I totally insane and if so why??

degeneration · Post by **degeneration** » 16 Mar 2005, 16:14

I do see your point and pretty much agree.

The only reason I can see myself getting married is because that is something that we've basically been conditioned to think is the normal thing to do.

I don't think you need to have gone through the legal process of marriage just to prove you love someone. Like you said if a piece of paper is needed to prove that, then yes, something is wrong.

I was at a civil ceremony earlier last year and I don't recall hearing God metioned at all. I could be wrong though, but I think I would have picked up on it if it was said. My reason for thinking that is that I was also at a Church wedding not too long ago and I remember cringing every time God was mentioned...

I do imagine that I probably will get married at some point, mainly because I'm sure that would be what my parents would want me to do cause they might have the conditioned belief that marriage is the thing to do and also because it is possible the woman I marry has the same beliefs.

I guess in some ways it also does have its advantages, because isn't it easier to get things like a higher mortgage and buy a house together or something like that if you are married than if you are not?

With the number of divorces these days as well, marriage can be a bad thing as it is something that probably will lose you half of what you are worth if the marriage goes wrong... but then if you marry a rich person that could work in your advantage.

Both ups and downs for both sides here, but as far as I am concerned if/when I get married, there will be absolutely NO reference to god at any time whatsoever.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 16 Mar 2005, 16:38

I expect to get married at some point. In a Registry Office, natch. It signals commitment in an official kind of way. Of course it doesn't make your love any stronger or more special. But it's nicely symbolic don't you think?

bradavon · Post by **bradavon** » 16 Mar 2005, 21:33

I agree completely agree Mordib.

I have a problem with the whole concept of marriage where to be expected by society as a proper couple I must wear a ring, sign a piece of paper and read some script I may or may not believe in. I feel it's outdated and in today's society shouldn't bear such a heavy burden.

I'm not saying I'll never get married as a relationship is built on compromise but I would feel very uncomfortable getting married in a church.

As for having kids. I will do one day no doubt but right now age 26 I am not ready for that and have to much living still to do. Whether you agree or disagree with that statement it's much more difficult to travel and see the world with children.

My twin sister on the other hand is very traditional and very much wanted to marry her husband. She had the HUGE white wedding and was very happy. Me I thought it was very, very over the top and I'd be dead against it. The money would've been much better spent on a living expenses or a wicked holiday. I believe my Dad spent around 10 grand for the one bloody day!

It also annoys me you're not seen by law as a proper couple unless you get married. For example a married couple who have only known each other for 1 day has more rights than a non-married couple who have known each other for 10 years!

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 17 Mar 2005, 10:09

I partly agree too Brad, IMO why is it seen as "correct" in this society for a couple to be married? As long as they love each other surely thats all that matters?

(And if they have a child, isn't it better that they are "happily un-married", if you see what I mean, then un-happily married?) I heard some politician say some time ago that that children in "married" familes do better at school or something like that as the family unit is more stable? But I'd rather have a loving, unmarried family than a married one where there was clearly problems (my parents split up some years ago BTW)

Jackie illustrates the point nicely in his "autobio" when talking about the fact he cant always be with his family at that time, they still loved each other (though now it kind of fals apart when you consider JC and his wife split after the ceremony and JC had a daughter with somebody else

)
As you say Brad why does a married couple get more money than an unmarried one?

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 17 Mar 2005, 10:24

grim_tales wrote:Jackie illustrates the point nicely in his "autobio" when talking about the fact he cant always be with his family at that time, they still loved each other (though now it kind of fals apart when you consider JC and his wife split after the ceremony and JC had a daughter with somebody else )

I would take Jackie's family values with a pinch of salt... the man's had more pussy than the RSPCA!! 8)

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 06 Aug 2006, 14:16

Hey,

Sorry for bringing this thread back but I saw a discussion about this on BBC1 this morning with the writer Anne Atkins and a few other panelists. As long as a couple are committed/love each other, do they "have" to be married, say if they live together? I'm not sure. Does it suddenly make their love any stronger? I don't think so. Atkins said marriage was really important to children (?) but isn't it "society" that makes children form that opinion, consciously or not?

thelostdragon · Post by **thelostdragon** » 06 Aug 2006, 14:25

I think that when a couple is married, they are more likely to overcome a crisis in their relationship. If they aren't married they are more likely to just break up. My opinion.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 06 Aug 2006, 14:42

Wow, this is a thread from the past.

LD makes a good point, and I stand by my original post.

You don't NEED marriage, but it's nicely symbolic.

That said I'm all for pre-nups as the divorce law is a bit askew.

My Jackie quip still makes me laugh. Sorry.

grim_tales · Post by **grim_tales** » 06 Aug 2006, 14:44

It made me laugh too.
I didnt want 2 threads on the same subject.

Shen · Post by **Shen** » 06 Aug 2006, 15:04

personally i never got the whole marriage thing, the peice of paper means i love them so much more? in that case why shouldnt one just write their name on a piece of paper next to the one they love and pronoucne themselves married?! is marriage still important? it seems now that people are more inclined to "common law" thing, than the whole ceremony and such.

as for it being easier to overcome relationship crisis' i actually disagree my cousin was with her partner 30 years, never married, and they had their argumetns and bust up but always got back together, but the only thing marriage is worth is for in the eyes of the law...once he died, she was left nothing, no financial aid for his funeral, no financial aid to help her live, nothing. but all the years they were togeter in terms of paying OUT money they were classed as married. but when it came to her getting help after he did they cam back with "you werent married..."

personally i dont need that piece of paper or that huge ceremony to prove to someone i love them, if they need it then something wrong in the relationship...as for kids...well lets just not have those little brats

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 06 Aug 2006, 15:09

You don't want kids?

Consider that a divorce.

Shen · Post by **Shen** » 06 Aug 2006, 15:11

lol! woo-hoo im free!!!

serioulsy no, i dont want kids, i dont plan on settling down to the whole "quiet life" i wish to travell as much as possible, it wouldnt be fair on kids for that. and besides im not sure i want to bring a life into this world at the state its in....

and yeah i saw how my nieces and npehews became little shits...so i'll pass thanks

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 06 Aug 2006, 15:18

Shen wrote:serioulsy no, i dont want kids, i dont plan on settling down to the whole "quiet life" i wish to travell as much as possible, it wouldnt be fair on kids for that. and besides im not sure i want to bring a life into this world at the state its in....

It's better not to have kids if you've no intention of devoting yourself to them. At least you're honest and know what you want out of life. Can't criticize that.

and yeah i saw how my nieces and npehews became little shits...so i'll pass thanks

Shen · Post by **Shen** » 06 Aug 2006, 15:21

dont get me wrong i mean if i happened to have kids i would be devoted to them. but i'd regret not being able todo what i wanted. so i make the chopice not to have them, preferably, but you know whatever happens, happens, i'd just prefer it if t hat particular thing didnt happen

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 06 Aug 2006, 15:25

Shen wrote:dont get me wrong i mean if i happened to have kids i would be devoted to them.

What, like if they just popped out of the blue?

If you're not in favour of having children best use proper protection than risk accidents.

Shen · Post by **Shen** » 06 Aug 2006, 15:33

of course. but i think that if you make a mistake and have a child then its not the childs fault its yours the child should not suffer for it..chidlren dont ask to be born, if it were to happen that i can honestly say i would stop my palns and care for it, and love its and everything that it needed...i dont believe in punishing people for my mistakes especially kids

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 06 Aug 2006, 16:32

Amen.

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 06 Aug 2006, 17:35

Personally I dont care about getting married. My girlfriend does, so we will end up being married. Plus legally it's just smarter to get married. I wish society was different and people who have been together 5-10 years orso have the same rights as married people, but apperently they just wont do that, for whatever reason that might be.

Also not looking forward to any wedding. There are only a few people that I'd actually want to be there, but I bet I would feel obliged/forced to invite many many more...

But as I said, my girlfriend does want to get married (and yes, with me...), so we'll end up getting married. I'm not gonna bother fighting it, as you cant win anyway.
Seems like giving in would be the way of the least resistence, plus since she knows I'm mainly doing it for her, I'll get some cool stuff out of it most probably...

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 06 Aug 2006, 22:04

I'd get married in a reg office and maybe invite my parents. That's it.

slasher13 · Post by **slasher13** » 10 Aug 2006, 11:16

I'm married, and it been over 2 years now. Yes over the period it has been trying, especially when you live with parents, however since I moved out into my new house, it been great. It only 5 mins away from my parent house, but it nice to know that family is still around. Personally I feel that you know if you want to get married or not, it's in each people heart. Some people may say it depends on how you were brought up, eg a woman who doesn't believe in marriage, because mainly of seeing her mother being treated bad, so can't blame her. However saying that my wife had a bad childhood as well, especially seeing her mum beaten up as well, so she really hates her father, but wanted to get married to me.

I personally love marriage, it not to do with a piece of paper, but something else, prob spirtual. There is a saying which I heard when I grew up, when god made you, he also made your partner who you will find. I can safely say, yes i have met my partner and inshalla we will both have a happy marriage.

By the way the above is what I personally believe, and don't want to force it to anyone else, just want to add in something to the conversation

thelostdragon · Post by **thelostdragon** » 10 Aug 2006, 21:20

Gimme 5 slash, bro! 8)

slasher13 · Post by **slasher13** » 10 Aug 2006, 23:09

thelostdragon wrote:Gimme 5 slash, bro! 8)

Ahhh here ten

LD I know inshalla when you will get married, you will def enjoy it, love each time together which her, your family and her family.

Markgway · Post by **Markgway** » 11 Aug 2006, 00:42

slasher13 wrote:I'm married, and it been over 2 years now.

And you didn't invite me to the wedding...............???

Yi-Long · Post by **Yi-Long** » 11 Aug 2006, 00:45

Markgway wrote:
slasher13 wrote:I'm married, and it been over 2 years now.
And you didn't invite me to the wedding...............???

Yeah... bringing in a scottsman to an occasion where there will be alcohol: that's a nice way to have a memorable wedding