The funny thread
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- Bruce Lee's Fist
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- Location: Where you'll never find me
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- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 5577
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 16:18
- Location: Where you'll never find me
Math class:
I'm at the blackboard, stuck on a difficult equation.
The teacher looks at me and says:
"Would you like me to enlighten you ?"
And I'm like:
"Yes please".
Stupid git gets up, goes to the wall, turns on the lights and sits down again. Bastard.
I'm at the blackboard, stuck on a difficult equation.
The teacher looks at me and says:
"Would you like me to enlighten you ?"
And I'm like:
"Yes please".
Stupid git gets up, goes to the wall, turns on the lights and sits down again. Bastard.
I used to be "the man who loves the movies you hate".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
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- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 5577
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 16:18
- Location: Where you'll never find me
#Tom2681 has joined the IRC channel.
User1 - Mine's huge.
Girl1 - They all say that.
User2 - Mine's twice as big as User1's.
User3 - What about you, Tom ?
Me - Yeah, I've got a huge dick too.
Girl1 - We're talking about cars, you madman.
#You have been kicked by User1 (Crazy pervert !)
Shit, I was talking to my latest girlfriend on the phone, trying to invite her to a fancy restaurant...
...when my mum walks into my room and yells:
"Will you stop pissing on the car for fuck's sake ?!".
Well...It's been 2 days and I still can't convince her that my mum was talking to the cat that was lying on my bed.
User1 - Mine's huge.
Girl1 - They all say that.
User2 - Mine's twice as big as User1's.
User3 - What about you, Tom ?
Me - Yeah, I've got a huge dick too.
Girl1 - We're talking about cars, you madman.
#You have been kicked by User1 (Crazy pervert !)
Shit, I was talking to my latest girlfriend on the phone, trying to invite her to a fancy restaurant...
...when my mum walks into my room and yells:
"Will you stop pissing on the car for fuck's sake ?!".
Well...It's been 2 days and I still can't convince her that my mum was talking to the cat that was lying on my bed.
I used to be "the man who loves the movies you hate".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
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- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 5577
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 16:18
- Location: Where you'll never find me
Me - That guy is as mute as a trout.
User1 - I think you meant "mute as a carp".
Me - When's the last time you had a conversation with a trout ?
User1 - So, tell us Tom, have you scored with this girl ?
User2 - Is it "game over" yet ? Or "try again" ?
Me - Neither. Right now it's "Insert coins".
User1 - I think you meant "mute as a carp".
Me - When's the last time you had a conversation with a trout ?
User1 - So, tell us Tom, have you scored with this girl ?
User2 - Is it "game over" yet ? Or "try again" ?
Me - Neither. Right now it's "Insert coins".
I used to be "the man who loves the movies you hate".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
- grim_tales
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 22074
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 18:34
- Location: St. Albans, UK
- dragonhero005
- Flirting Scholar
- Posts: 383
- Joined: 03 Mar 2006, 15:15
- Location: Graz (Austria)
I´m sure you´ve already heard of them...
The great Chuck Norris Facts - if not, check this out: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com
I´m sorry for posting this here as we should tell jokes and not facts.
The great Chuck Norris Facts - if not, check this out: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com
I´m sorry for posting this here as we should tell jokes and not facts.
- thelostdragon
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 7059
- Joined: 29 Oct 2004, 23:36
- Location: Basin City
- Contact:
Don't be! They are funny as hell.
I like the Jack Bauer facts a lot, too. Very inspired from the Chuck Norris facts, but they still have some ideas of their own. Don't read if you haven't watched all seasons up to and including season 4, because it spoils them and you wouldn't even understand the facts.
I like the Jack Bauer facts a lot, too. Very inspired from the Chuck Norris facts, but they still have some ideas of their own. Don't read if you haven't watched all seasons up to and including season 4, because it spoils them and you wouldn't even understand the facts.
- grim_tales
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 22074
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 18:34
- Location: St. Albans, UK
"Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer"
Last edited by grim_tales on 14 Mar 2006, 15:55, edited 1 time in total.
- dragonhero005
- Flirting Scholar
- Posts: 383
- Joined: 03 Mar 2006, 15:15
- Location: Graz (Austria)
- thelostdragon
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 7059
- Joined: 29 Oct 2004, 23:36
- Location: Basin City
- Contact:
- grim_tales
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 22074
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 18:34
- Location: St. Albans, UK
- thelostdragon
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 7059
- Joined: 29 Oct 2004, 23:36
- Location: Basin City
- Contact:
- grim_tales
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 22074
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 18:34
- Location: St. Albans, UK
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- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 5577
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 16:18
- Location: Where you'll never find me
User Manuals:
On a soap:
" Use like a normal soap. " Well...duh !
On a pudding:
" Will be hot after you've heated it up. " No kidding...
On an iron:
"Take off your clothes before ironing them."
On a sleeping pill:
" Using this product might cause sleepiness. "
Hair-dryer:
" Do not use while sleeping. "
Christmas lights:
" Only for indoor and outdoor use." As opposed to... ?
Peanuts:
" Warning, this bag contains peanuts." Gee, thanks for the warning !
Jaffa cakes:
" 1. Open box. 2. Eat cake." Me Tarzan, you Jane.
On a swedish chainsaw:
" Do not use on hands or genitals."
On a soap:
" Use like a normal soap. " Well...duh !
On a pudding:
" Will be hot after you've heated it up. " No kidding...
On an iron:
"Take off your clothes before ironing them."
On a sleeping pill:
" Using this product might cause sleepiness. "
Hair-dryer:
" Do not use while sleeping. "
Christmas lights:
" Only for indoor and outdoor use." As opposed to... ?
Peanuts:
" Warning, this bag contains peanuts." Gee, thanks for the warning !
Jaffa cakes:
" 1. Open box. 2. Eat cake." Me Tarzan, you Jane.
On a swedish chainsaw:
" Do not use on hands or genitals."
I used to be "the man who loves the movies you hate".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
- grim_tales
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 22074
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 18:34
- Location: St. Albans, UK
-
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 5577
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 16:18
- Location: Where you'll never find me
Don't you just love answering machines ?
I change my outgoing message every three months and always try to make it either funny or silly.
Some friends call me just so they can hear the message.
Here:
"Leave your name and your reason for calling, I'll call you back if I consider you to be worthy of my vocal presence."
"What you're about to hear isn't a beep, it's an electrical fart. Good day !"
"Let me sleep, damn you. It's july, for fuck's sake ! "
"Hello ? .... Ah yes ..... come again ? ... Oh, by the way, this is an answering machine. GOTCHA !! "
"Fucking stupid answering machine, why won't you - Oh, right. Hello, please leave a message. How do I shut this thing off ? Ah, yes. *Beep* "
"Hi, I'm Tom's answering machine. Can I help you ? "
"Hello, my name is HAL. I've taken over Tom's life. You may not realize it, but I'm also infecting your phone right now. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA !!! "
I change my outgoing message every three months and always try to make it either funny or silly.
Some friends call me just so they can hear the message.
Here:
"Leave your name and your reason for calling, I'll call you back if I consider you to be worthy of my vocal presence."
"What you're about to hear isn't a beep, it's an electrical fart. Good day !"
"Let me sleep, damn you. It's july, for fuck's sake ! "
"Hello ? .... Ah yes ..... come again ? ... Oh, by the way, this is an answering machine. GOTCHA !! "
"Fucking stupid answering machine, why won't you - Oh, right. Hello, please leave a message. How do I shut this thing off ? Ah, yes. *Beep* "
"Hi, I'm Tom's answering machine. Can I help you ? "
"Hello, my name is HAL. I've taken over Tom's life. You may not realize it, but I'm also infecting your phone right now. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA !!! "
I used to be "the man who loves the movies you hate".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
- grim_tales
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 22074
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 18:34
- Location: St. Albans, UK
- Shen
- Royal Tramp
- Posts: 1481
- Joined: 10 Feb 2006, 11:28
- Location: Leeds, UK
a teacher says to his pupils 'everyone who thinks they're stupid stand up' after a minute a young man gets up. 'so you're a moron?' the teacher asks. 'no sir,' the pupil replies. 'i just didnt want to see you standing there by yourself'
:mrgreen:
:mrgreen:
http://www.intervocative.com/dvdcollection.aspx/_Shen_
http://www.theshadowedone.deviantart.com
you have a .... Ducky Butt!!
http://www.theshadowedone.deviantart.com
you have a .... Ducky Butt!!
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- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 5577
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 16:18
- Location: Where you'll never find me
-
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 5577
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 16:18
- Location: Where you'll never find me
You guys should have heard the first message that my girlfriend left me on my answering machine last week:
"Hi, I'm Tom's answering machine. Can I help you ? "
Girl - Huh, yeah I guess...Wait a minute... you're WHO ?!... Hello ? ... Tom, are you playing with me here ? .... TOM !!
*Hangs up*
"Hi, I'm Tom's answering machine. Can I help you ? "
Girl - Huh, yeah I guess...Wait a minute... you're WHO ?!... Hello ? ... Tom, are you playing with me here ? .... TOM !!
*Hangs up*
I used to be "the man who loves the movies you hate".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
Now I'm just "that weird french guy with a cat avatar who comes to BnB once a year for no reason and then disappears again".
- BiscLimpkit
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 4727
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 22:33
- Location: Scotland
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- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 5577
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 16:18
- Location: Where you'll never find me
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- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 8616
- Joined: 26 Oct 2004, 13:46
- Location: Alkmaar, Holland
I've done that one before...Tom2681 wrote:You guys should have heard the first message that my girlfriend left me on my answering machine last week:
"Hi, I'm Tom's answering machine. Can I help you ? "
Girl - Huh, yeah I guess...Wait a minute... you're WHO ?!... Hello ? ... Tom, are you playing with me here ? .... TOM !!
*Hangs up*
But even funnier is the following, which I talked my friend into doing...
He left his voicemail-message, which is the message you leave on your phone when you want people to leave you a message:
(Very loud Music playing in the Background)"Hello??? ...... who?..... Hello???? ....You gotta speak up cause I cant hear ya!!! (loud music still blaring in the background) .... ah just messing with ya... leave me a message! "
It's awesome cause people really think he is on the other end, answering the caller... so people will start shouting in their phone so he can hear them...
I was there, the big BNB blackout of november, 2008. We lost many that day...
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- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 5577
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 16:18
- Location: Where you'll never find me
- grim_tales
- Bruce Lee's Fist
- Posts: 22074
- Joined: 25 Oct 2004, 18:34
- Location: St. Albans, UK