What general film/series have you just seen.. marks out of 5

[RetroRobot]

Kinjite- Forbidden Subjects 1989

Hadn't seen this in a while. Oh boy.... now I like me some Cannon schlock, but this is on a whole other level of bad. You know it's gonna be trashy when the credit sequence involves shots of a young Nicole Eggert being tied to a bed while a pair of unidentified man hands pulls a dildo and a jar of lube out of a suitcase. But when Charlie Bronson then interrupts that impending kink session, beats the guy up, and ass rapes him with his own dildo (off camera, but still) well, now we got a film. Sadly, it all devolves into a misguided and absolutely rudderless piece of crap, that tries to say something about culture clash, sex traffic and morality but fails miserably at all of them.

Im usually the least pc person in the room, but this flick is just straight up racist. Not so much in an intentional and malicious way, but culturally ignorant and insensitive to the point where you start questioning whether it was actually made by adults with a functioning brain. The way the Japanese characters (James Pax in particular) and Japanese culture as a whole is portrayed here is laughable. I bet you a million bucks that some hack writer or studio exec stumbled onto some article about Japanese sexual culture, or indeed the fringes thereof, and thought it would make a nice sleazy premise for a Cannon flick.

In the words of Harvey Keitel's xenophobic cop character in Rising Sun "These guys are known world class pervesion freaks", which seems to be the mindset here. Also, Bronson's character is overtly racist, but we still have to root for this guy cuz he brings down the badguys? It's not like he goes on some kind of journey, or that the movie is smart enough to set him up as some sort of anti hero struggling with his own demons. Nope, he's just a racist douchebag going after even bigger douchebags. So who the fuck am I suposed to invest in here?

As a character study, this is beyond pathetic. The James Pax character arc is nonsensical at best, and doesn't gel at all with the Bronson arc. Structurally, this film is a cock-up from beginning to end. They obviously just had a whole bunch of sleaze material, and tried to justify it with some lame points on morality and supposed insights into the pervy minds of Japanese business men and Latino pimps. I like sleaze, I dig schlock and im a big apologist for most of Cannon films' output. But this is just a piece of shit.

J. Lee Thompson as a director had clearly lost his touch by the time of this flick... and long before. I mean, this was the guy who directed Guns of Navarone, Cape Fear, Kings of the Sun etc. And I even enjoy earlier Cannon efforts like Ten to Midnight (sleaze done right) King Solomon's Mines (hackneyed but fun Indy rip-off) and others. But this..... this is fucking atrocious. It was also his last film, and what a shit stain of a swan song it is. There are tons of other things to pick at here that I didn't even mention. Suffice to say that while I actually have this film in my collection, and have watched it before.... I probably won't be watching again (glad I took screencaps and review notes so that I never have to) cuz this is just an inexcusable fucking mess of a movie that no amount of Bronson street justice or 80's Cannon vibe could have saved.

[Masterofoneinchpunch]

Well thanks to your review, I will put this even further down in the Bronson (and Cannon) films I need to watch. I've done a few reviews like that where I just do not want to watch the film again (Laughing Times for example.) The annoyance about films like that is that you could have spent your valuable time elsewhere with another film (or book or gym or pulling nose hairs.)

[RetroRobot]

I'd seen it before, so I knew it would be a bit of a chore. But I want to review it and do screen caps for my future site, so hey, let's get through it. I just didn't remember it as THIS awful. But then again, watching a film for review purposes is very different that just throwing it on as a time waster or random entertainment. You put your critical specs on, and every flaw becomes more glaring, at least to me. Though by the same token, the positive aspects also become more clear..... this film just didn't have any positive aspects whatsoever. And im extremely forgiving when it comes to 80's trash.... but not blind. When I actually review it for real, I will skewer it in a more eloquent and intricate way, this was just my off the cuff thoughts. But yeah, you can easily put it at the bottom of the watch pile.

[Markgway]

I saw KINJITE years ago... don't remember it being that bad.

Nicole Eggert. Bed. Dildo.

Might have to rewatch this.

Oh, and surely there is a sub-culture of perversion in Japan?
Hung Fist is forever posting about it!

[RetroRobot]

There is a sub culture of pervesion in every country, and there are ways of depicting that which can be interesting, this was not one.

[HungFist]

I haven't seen the film so can't comment on it, but yes, Japan has more subcultures of perversion than most other countries combined. For example groping girls in trains is a popular passtime here.

[RetroRobot]

That's in the film:)

[Markgway]

I haven't seen the film so can't comment on it, but yes, Japan has more subcultures of perversion than most other countries combined. For example groping girls in trains is a popular passtime here.

You should check it out and let us know how accurate it is!

[HungFist]

Sounds accurate then

edit: I didn't notice Mark was posting at the same time...

[Shingster]

You just described the first scene of the film Hung IIRC! I saw it back on VHS rental back in 91 and even as a 12yr old I thought it was utterly ridiculous!
Subculture of perversion of Japan? Surely if there's one country where perversion is less a subculture and more a notoriety it's Japan!

[Markgway]

So, can we now class Kinjite as gritty realism?

[RetroRobot]

Fixing the Shadow/Beyond the Law- 1992

I think Charlie Sheen is quite underrated as an actor. On the one side, I never thought he turned in anything awards worthy as such, but I often think he was better than the movies he appeared in. And back in the 90's video store cruising days, I would often pick flicks solely based on his mug being on the cover.

He's certainly the best thing in this one, alongside Michael Madsen. But everything else feels a little "Hollywood fakey" like. Which is funny, if stacked up against the other early 90's film covering the same material, Stone Cold. That movie was supposedly the "big dumb action" version of the undercover cop in a biker gang premise, while this one is the more serious treatment, based on real events.

The whole biker culture aspect feels more authentic in Stone Cold, than it does here, even if Charlie Sheen is a much better actor than ex-NFL star Brian Bosworth. But even so, this is not a bad film overall. It's entertaining, it has some effective scenes (and some stupid ones) and it generally gets the job done. If I had to chose, I would definitely pick Stone Cold. More entertainment value, more action, better soundtrack, cooler characters and more authentic vibe, even if the story is more ridiculous. But hey, see em' both if you haven't. They both make my top ten faves list.

[Shingster]

So, can we now class Kinjite as gritty realism?

I reckon so!

[Markgway]

Clue (1985-USA) ***
Cleverly-scripted, very witty movie 'adaptation' of popular murder mystery board game. The cast do a sterling job, with Tim Curry a standout as the British butler. There are plot holes, especially in the 'what really happened' ending, but writer-director Jonathan Lynn keeps everything moving along nicely. Good fun.

[HungFist]

The World’s End (UK, 2013) [DCP] – 2.5/5
An alright sci-fi / drinking comedy. Fun idea and some good jokes, but I can’t help to think that Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg are some of the most over-rated filmmakers out there. They make fun of flashy Hollywood action films by editing, filming and scoring their own movies in the exact same way. As the joke grows old, their films stop being a parodies and become what they're supposed to make fun of. Or perhaps they really do think that's great cinema?

[Markgway]

The Lookout (2012-France-Belgium-Italy) **
A cop hunts down the bank-robbing sniper who murdered his son. Muddled thriller takes on too many tangents and short changes its audience at the conclusion.

See No Evil (2006-USA) *
A group of delinquents are trapped in a derelict hotel with a hulking serial killer whose party trick is plucking out eyeballs. Appallingly nasty stuff treats human suffering as a sick joke - a peculiar vehicle for WWE wrestler Kane who may be this generation's answer to Tor Johnson.

[HungFist]

Machete Kills (USA, 2013) [DCP] – 2/5
Poor sequel completely misses the point. These types of films are meant to be so bold, arrogant and exploitative that they automatically become slightly humorous, yet cool because of their ballsiness. Machete Kills is so ridiculously over-the-top that it resembles a mixture of Superman and a Leslie Nielsen movie. Cutting down on violence and sex further hurts the movie and makes it nothing but a lame joke that's unlikely to amuse exploitation fans and won’t be understood by mainstream audiences. Still, it must be admitted that the film is not really boring with its train wreck appeal and all the cool actors.

[Markgway]

It's hard to believe that any but the most saturated gorehound would find 'Machete Kills' not violent enough!

[RetroRobot]

The weather is kinda shifting here, so like Kramer said to Elaine in the video store, "What you need is some summertime adolescent hijinks".... or that's what I told myself, hence the latest selection.

Side Out- 1990

Nice and breezy volleyball beach movie with C. Thomas Howell, Courtney Thorne Smith and, as the trailer puts it, Thirty Something's Peter Horton. Lots of sunny So-Cal vibe, beach babes in neon bikinis and a nice blend of comedy, drama and romance mixed in with sports element. A real feel-good flick with an infectious summer feel.


Encino Man- 1992

Sean Astin and Pauly Shore defrosts caveman Brendan Fraser in 90's Cali suburbs and hilarity ensues. Lots of fun gags, awful 90's fashion and a tolerable Shore... which is far from a given. But he's actually pretty funny here, as are Astin and Fraser. A stronger ending with more jokes and less schmaltz would have been prefered, but still a fun flick.


Summer School- 1987

Total feel-good 80's flick with a real chill vibe, great cast and plenty of quotable dialogue. I remember first seeing Mark Harmon when he played serial killer Ted Bundy in a tv movie. So when I watched this for the first time, as the second thing seeing him in, I just halfway waited for him to kill or molest the female students at any moment, despite it obviously not being that kind of movie at all. Took me a few watches to shake that, and warm to his comedic performance here. But a very enjoyable film from beginning to end.

[HungFist]

It's hard to believe that any but the most saturated gorehound would find 'Machete Kills' not violent enough!

The violence in Machete Kills is very cartoonish and always silly (an impression which is only supported by the rest of the film, which is even more cartoonish and silly). Although the film is full of decapitations and other extreme things, their depiction is toned down to get rid of any real nastiness. This is the opposite from typical exploitation films which often try to make even "lighter" acts of violence more gory and gruesome.

Well, I guess it's still a better parody than Scary Movies, Epic Movies and whatever crap the others are doing.

[Markgway]

Operation: Endgame (2009-USA) *½
Two rival sets of spies try to wipe each other out whilst trapped in an underground bunker.
Loud, violent, profane black comedy doesn't make any sense and quickly wears out its welcome.

The Divide (2011-Germany-USA-Canada) *½
A nuclear explosion traps a bunch of high rise residents in a bomb shelter.
Ugly, sadistic drama-horror exists merely to confirm that humans aren't worth saving.

[RetroRobot]

That's some dark shit, Mark.... you need some sunshine in your life. Maybe some My Little Pony or a Full House marathon.

[RetroRobot]

Flight of the Intruder- 1991

There are good movies, there are bad movies and then there are pointless movies. Not necessaily bad, but you wonder why they were even made. And this was one of those. I love 'Nam and 'Nam related flicks, but this one just did zero for me. Didn't care about any of the characters at all, none of the action was remotely engaging and the story didn't move me one iota. It feels like everything here is just going through the motions, including the actors. And with guys like Willem Dafoe and Danny Glover that's pretty sad.

Also, why would Danny Glover even be here when he did very similar material a few years earlier in BAT21. And what the fuck ever happened to Brad Johnson? I guess this film is what happened. It kinda wants to be Top Gun and a little bit Platoon plus other borrowed material but it fails miserably at everything it tries and rightfully bombed at the box office. I can genuinly say that I feel like I completely wasted my time with this one. More so, than when watching a really crap flick. At least those get under my skin in a way and illicit some form of emotion, even if it's negative. This was just like eating one of those bland, flavorless rice cakes that's neither tasty or gross... it's just there. Glad I only spent about 5 euros on this. My advice... don't bother.

[Markgway]

Assassins (1995-USA-France) **
Disappointing potboiler; overlong and only occasionally thrilling.
Stallone is fine, but Banderas is appallingly hammy here.

Born in East L.A. (1987-USA) **
Minor, but not unpleasant comedy.
Cheech Marin is a better actor than he is a writer and director.

[Markgway]

Dolls (1986-USA) **
Creepy, but minor horror from the makers of Re-Animator.