What general film/series have you just seen.. marks out of 5

[HungFist]

Tamburine Buttocks (Brazil, 2012) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 1.5/5
Brazilian ass-play movie celebrates the beautiful sound of a hand slapping an ass. Thank God it only runs 2 minutes.

Flytopia (UK, 2012) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 2/5
Sex, horror and flies in one of the most off putting, yet occasionally imaginative short film. A man is tormented by thousands of flies which appear to have taken him as their target. CGI well utilized, a pair of bare (non-CGI) breasts also included.

The Dickslap (France, 2012) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 4.5/5
A video store clerk tries to save his loved one from a Chinese porno kung fu master Ti Kong, who cripples (and occasionally kills) women with his giant dick. A terrific midnight short movie that is in equal parts a thriller, comedy, love story, and a martial arts film. Ti Kong’s cock is an instant cult hit – like something out of a Yoshihiro Nishimura movie – and the film is filled with small tributes to old school kung fu films.

[Markgway]

Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009-USA) **½

[HungFist]

Asian Delight (Netherlands, 2013) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 1.5/5
A Dutchman introduces his collection of old Chinese pornographic art to a static camera. Slight information value aside, a poor short documentary with very few cinematic merits.

Foxes (Ireland, 2012) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 2.5/5
A partly effective psychological thriller about a woman who becomes crazy. The use of allegory and play between real and fantasy comes off a bit clumsy, partly because of over-emphasized music and sound effects.

The Mass of Men (UK, 2012) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 3/5
A man arrives at unemployment office 3 minutes late, only to hear he will be severely punished for it. Then things get out of hand. Award winning short film is “typical” British “everyday misery drama”, though well made.

Land of My Dreams (Portugal, 2013) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 4/5
Mom and daughter travel Portugal by car and make their by arranging outdoor strip shows. A stylish and moody Almodovar esque drama with plenty of bare skin. Runs 20 minutes.


trailer: http://vimeo.com/46823923

[saltysam]

World War Z 2/5 By the numbers zombie movie doesn't offer anything particularly new to the rather tired genre. even in it's unrated cut this is low on gore by genre standards,in it's favour it's fast paced and certainly never boring

[Markgway]

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (2010-USA-Australia-Mexico) **

[HungFist]

World War Z 2/5 By the numbers zombie movie doesn't offer anything particularly new to the rather tired genre. even in it's unrated cut this is low on gore by genre standards,in it's favour it's fast paced and certainly never boring

They used CGI blood and gore?

[Markgway]

Candyman (1992-USA) **

[HungFist]

MeTube: August Sings Carmen 'Habanera' (Austria, 2013) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 3/5
Off-the-wall, youtube inspired video works best not spoiled. Although this type of stuff has become all too common to truly surprise viewers, one could nevertheless read a big “WTF” on most viewers’ faces during the screening.

Cargo (Australia, 2013) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 3/5
Zombie short follows a father trying to take his cargo – a newborn baby – to safety zone before he himself turns into a zombie. Forgettable, but decently made short film.

Armadingen (Germany, 2011) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 4.5/5
A masterful 25 minute film follows an elderly couple living in the countryside in isolation and waiting for the world’s end as a giant asteroid approaches earth. Well acted, beautifully put together and poignant movie. Also includes fantastic miniature special effects work. Only the ending is not fully satisfactory. A strong contender for the best film of 2011.

[Markgway]

Paul (2011-USA-UK) **

[HungFist]

Cold Blood (France, 2013) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 2.5/5
A well written and captivating French thriller suffers from stiff acting and unusually poor digital video which makes the film feel too much of a home video. Nevertheless, at 15 minutes it’s quite a passable viewing.

Gravity (France, 2012) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 2.5/5
CGI filled fantasy went beyond my heels. A black man chases a runner who causes fractions in buildings by pulsing some kind of electronic waves. Catch the man and you can levitate. At the same time in a parallel universe a woman is pulling the moon towards earth with chains. Hmmm….

Romy, I'm Shy (Germany, 2013) [Sapporo Short Fest] – 4/5
Superbly stylish short documentary about photographer Juergen Vollmer. Mixes 1960’s rock music, fantastic photographs, and interesting stories, including how the Beatles’ gt their famous hairstyle. A couple of pairs of bare breasts included too!

[Markgway]

Deep Cover (1992-USA) **½

Sleepwalkers (1992-USA) **

The Beast (1988-USA) **½

Take the Lead (2006-USA) **½

Split Second (1992-UK) *

Cherry Tree Lane (2010-UK) **½

[Markgway]

Curse of Chucky (2013-USA) *½

Strange, stripped-down sequel eschews the comedic/satirical tone of the previous two instalments (Bride and Seed) and returns to played-straight by-the-numbers horror. Anyone expecting a mini genre classic (as Child's Play turned out to be) will be sorely disappointed by this conventionally-plotted, budget-stricken, unimaginative potboiler. Chucky gets back story, and Brad Dourif makes his first human appearance since the original, but series auteur Don Mancini approaches the material as if we'd never seen a Child's Play movie before - are we really meant to find Chucky's Good Guy pretence suspenseful when we know what he's capable of? The violence is nasty, bloody, but everything else is rote, save for a couple of amusing, very late cameos. This one has DTV stamped all over it and that sound you hear is the proverbial barrel being scraped.

[Markgway]

World War Z (2013-USA-Malta) **½

Brad Pitt battles a Zombie epidemic on a global scale. Thus 28 Days Later + 28 Weeks Later x a AAA budget gets you WWZ. Comic adaptation is fast-paced and suitably thrilling with ravenous undead creatures that are genuinely scary for a PG-13 (the Unrated cut isn't a Fulci gore fest, but adds some bloody detail to a hand removal). If only the human drama carried as much weight - the interaction between Pitt and his family is a distraction to both character and viewer (how many soldiers die because of an interruptive phone call?). The pre-release talk was all about the budget. Thankfully the film is more than that.

[Markgway]

Kings of Summer (2013-USA) **½

An enjoyable coming of age comedy eventually done in by its own dramatic pretentions.

[EvaUnit02]

Halo 4: Forward Onto Dawn - 2/5
My flatmate rented this, so I watched it because it was there. First 45 mins or so was like a poor man's version of the first act of Starship Troopers at the academy, a bunch of characters I couldn't give two shits about.

When the action finally started they obviously wanted to hide their low budget, so there's very sparse VFX shot; heavy use of shaky cam, close shots and quick cuts. Action scenes overall were poor.

Throughout the whole time, I was thinking "what the hell do all these characters that we've never met have to do with the main Halo storyline?" Turns out it's just back story of some NPC from Halo 4, zzzzzz.

[HungFist]

Elysium (USA, 2013) [Cinema] – 3/5
Neill Blomkamp’s Hollywood sci-fi is a far cry from District 9, but still a relatively good film. SFX is top quality and the film is full of very obvious but effective social commentary. On the minus side the ending becomes a bit tiresome special effects fest with fast cuts, and there are silly childhood flashbacks inserted throughout the film. District 9 star Sharlto Copley makes an excellent co-villain as a mean mercenary.

No One Lives (USA, 2012) [BD] – 3.5/5
Ryuhei Kitamura’s second American movie may be his best film since Versus. The action-horror flick is woodenly acted and lacking any credibility, but directed with an insane b-film drive. It’s a one-idea film, but it’s a good idea that carries the 86 minute film without much difficulties. Watch it without knowing anything about the storyline!

[Markgway]

Madhouse (1990-USA) *½
By the Sword (1991-USA) **½
Blind Date (1987-USA) **
Only You (1992-USA) **
Parents (1988-USA-Canada) *
Out on a Limb (1992-USA) *½
Year of the Comet (1992-USA) **½
Puppet Master (1989-USA) *½

[grim_tales]

The Lone Ranger: 2/5

Entertaining in spurts (I guess) but far too long and actually dull too. Tonto is basically Jack Sparrow in war paint - highlighting his limitations as an actor - the production design is good but only near the climax do we get some proper matinee style high-jinks. There's a scene which pays tribute to The Good the Bad and the Ugly.
And does Helena Bonham Carter have to be in EVERYTHING Depp is in?

[EvaUnit02]

The Lone Ranger was a bloody strange film, tone wise. Here we have this action-adventure film by Disney for the whole family... except one of the main villains is heart-eating cannibal and there's literal on-screen genocide of an Indian tribe.

Also I hated the Lone Ranger, 85% of the film he was this inept moron bumbling his way through the action set-pieces, not doing any heroics. It wasn't until the finale set-pieces was he competently doing anything that you'd expect the Lone Ranger to be doing.

[HungFist]

Cabin in the Woods (USA, 2012) [BD] – 3.5/5
A film that is best seen without knowing anything about it. For what it is, it’s surprisingly well made, even clever, and relatively respectful to “its” genre. Even then, though, it has tendency to try to be a bit too clever, which ironically makes it a bit dumber.

Deadly Prey (USA, 1987) [VHS] – 4/5
A group of mercenaries use live targets for practice - except this time they picked up the wrong man. Mike Danton is Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone and the Predator all in one. He kills a man and doesn’t pick up his gun because he doesn’t need it. He sleeps on the road because that gives him an opportunity to kill more bad guys. He is Mike Danton, the hero. Deadly Prey is an incredible low budget testosterone barrel where all logic is secondary to “manhood”. Mike Danton has balls big enough to make Rambo a homosexual!

- We’ve gotta get to him before he gets the authorities!
- He won’t do that! Why would he? He doesn’t need any help. He’ s killing all my men by himself!


trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMvnD2EIIuk

[Markgway]

Striking Distance (1993-USA) **½
Gothika (2003-USA) **½
Wild Things (1998-USA) ***
Prince of Darkness (1987-USA) **
Call Me (1987-USA) **

[Markgway]

Escape Plan (2013-USA) **

Take the world's favourite action beefcakes and team them up in a nifty prison caper... sounds like box office gold, right? Wrong! 20 years ago, maybe... but now they just don't have the screenwriters or directors capable of producing them like they used to. It doesn't matter how hard Sly (very intense) and Arnie (having a good time) try... the filmmakers aren't able to deliver. Had John McTiernan directed a Steven DeSouza script in 1992 this would be awesome. As it stands, we're talking mediocre, with a lame plot, and lack of panache or style in the brutal action sequences. Stallone gets the bigger part, but Schwarzenegger walks away with the show, tongue firmly-in-cheek, paycheque in back pocket.

[Markgway]

The Blob (1988-USA) **½

[HungFist]

Escape Plan (2013-USA) **

Take the world's favourite action beefcakes and team them up in a nifty prison caper... sounds like box office gold, right? Wrong! 20 years ago, maybe... but now they just don't have the screenwriters or directors capable of producing them like they used to. It doesn't matter how hard Sly (very intense) and Arnie (having a good time) try... the filmmakers aren't able to deliver. Had John McTiernan directed a Steven DeSouza script in 1992 this would be awesome. As it stands, we're talking mediocre, with a lame plot, and lack of panache or style in the brutal action sequences. Stallone gets the bigger part, but Schwarzenegger walks away with the show, tongue firmly-in-cheek, paycheque in back pocket.

It sounds more promising than the Expendables films to me, will be seeing it when it finally hits the theaters here some time next year.

Sill haven't seen Bullet to the Head, should rent it sometime.

[grim_tales]

I havent seen that either. Or Expendables 2/DC.
Escape Plan sounds fun though, but from what I've seen it does seem like a more ironic wink to the 80's.